The Shoe is on the Other Foot

Really quick, Furniture Madness Pt. 2.

The Dining set came yesterday. I cleaned up the area it was going into and Steve put it together when he got home from work. I was a little unsure after it was set up if it would be right, but after we removed the old dining set this afternoon, I'm confidant its the perfect choice. Its about 2.5ft square, with dark wood and black metal. Most of the table itself is a ceramic tile, and the colors match the wall color, and 90% of the Japanese stuff we have downstairs. The outside of the table is framed in the dark wood that is on the chair backs and seats while the chair frames and table legs are the black metal. The table really goes beautifully with this Japanese jade divider Steve has. The divider is about 6ft long, with a black wood frame but its carved beautifully down the sides and bottom. The top is curved circularly, and the divider is glass over a dark gold background with a lot of jade flowers and stuff inside it. I cant really describe it, I should take a picture of it but I have to say, the table set it off gorgeously. The table itself is the perfect size, too, for our house and leaves plenty of room for the living room furniture we're getting. The couch, loveseat, and chair are just a tad oversized for our house but since the dining room is so small we should be able to get away with it. AAAHHH I'm so stoked. Ok, on to the Shoe.

The only person in the world I depended on for most of my life was my mom, in a no nonsense sort of way. Through it all, we're family, and no matter what we get things done for each other. I depended on her for life advice, for money advice, cooking advice. Let me say, she failed in all of those departments but I dont fault her for that. She was so young when she had me, and no one in our family stepped up to show her the right way, or any way for that matter. She had to learn how to survive fast, and I think that when she did that she formed several habits or ways of thinking that havent changed. Its like her survival mode is always on. I get that about her, and I get that from her. Think of a Policeman, who lives his whole life dealing with mostly liars and scumbags. After awhile, he starts sizing up everyone he meets. That's kind of how it is with her, but its more of a "whats an escape route," "where can I go from here," "what if I cant pay the rent."

I started living that way, and making decisions that werent good ones, because my judgement was clouded with a survival instinct. I know it sounds weird and probably survival isnt exactly the appropriate word but anyway... After living with Steve, my life has changed, evolved, and along with it, my perspective. I still love my mother but I see the mistakes she's made or keeps making.

Today she called, and after we got through the bullshit we had a really honest conversation about a lot of things going on in her life. Its kind of strange how life's rules define your parent as your best friend but still there are things you cant or shouldnt talk about (other than your sex lives, because nobody wants to know how often their mom/daughter is scrumping). What I'm specifically saying is that my mom feels odd asking me for advice, even though I'm the only person in this world who really gets her. I can tell you all day long about who she is and what she's done but you'll never understand her the way I do.

Now, her situation is really bad. She cant get hired because her former employer is implying bad things about her. While they cant say anything directly there are a lot of things that you can imply with just the inflection of the voice. The fact that she walked out doesnt help her any, either. The same thing with her boyfriend, Kevin. He also worked for the same company and manager, and has since applied to several jobs and had promising interviews, but after they talk to their references suddenly they wont return their calls. Part of this they brought on themselves, but thats unimportant. What matters now is that she cant get a job in the area.

The business they both work for (big mistake) is dicking around with their hours. Kevin isnt getting enough hours to pay the bills, and they are trying to take one of the two days my mom works away from her. You have to understand the economy of the area. Its all going to be retail jobs that pay jack, unless you drive out to Delaware, which is a good hour away. Any profit you made from driving farther out will get eaten up by gas/time. My mother also doesnt have any clerical training, although a monkey could do data entry.

She doesnt have a baby sitter for my sister thats local. She's been driving 120 miles round trip and having my aunt watch her on the weekends but thats $60 blown away just in gas, never mind the time spent in the car. Plus, my mom doesnt get off work until 8:30pm on Sundays. By the time she gets home from my aunts its 1am or later and then my sister has to be up and ready for school on Monday.

She has no friends in the area. My mom's kind of a weird person when it comes to friends. She really only wants one at a time, I imagine because that's all she has time to focus on. Right now, her dear friend Diane is having a lot of medical problems. I mean, a lot. Chemotherapy, back surgeries, the whole nine yards. My mom is really missing Diane, too. They have been friends for a long time and my mom and Diane go to Diane's timeshare every year together and just hang out with no kids, no phone, no hubbies. Just a couple daiquiries and the pool.

I'm not excusing my mother, there are a lot of decisions she could have made that would put her in a better situation than she's in now. However, I understand where she's at.

She wants to move back to Florida. She was hesitant to tell me, because she didnt want to down on my happy parade. I hate to break it to her, but she's not the source of the happy parade. And, as often as she comes to see me here, I might see her more often if she lives in Florida. Meow. Ok I'll put the claws back. She has Diane there, Kevin and my mom have tons of job opportunities that will allow her to go back to school. My sister has her dad there, who will be glad to help with child care/babysitting. Actually it will be his sister but whatever. Woops, I said I'd put the claws back.

It was very odd that we were talking about her life decisions, and her mistakes. I didnt pound too much on her, because her soul had already taken a beating but I had to get my time in while it was granted to me. I talked to her about money management, because nobody ever taught me how to save or spend money. I'm going to send her Dave Ramsey's book. He's got a great plan for anyone who's in debt or wants to save money for retirement, that kind of thing. Its not a get rich quick scheme, the program that he teaches is all common sense stuff that nobody ever talks about.

I talked to her about moving. I told her that if thats what she wanted to do, Kevin needs to go down two months ahead of her and stay with a friend so he has no bills. He needs to take the job that will pay a good wage, that will allow him as much overtime as possible so he can send her money and they can save to move. She can stay up there and take her time packing, making good with aunt Judy (who she rents teh house from) and spending time with me before she goes.

I told her that she and Olivia needed to suck up Christmas this year, and to tell Olivia that her future is more important than a bunch of toys she's not going to remember in ten years.

I talked to her about going back to school, getting health insurance and benefits, if she should get a dog or not before she moves. God we talked for 3 hours. My ear still hurts. No kidding. But we had a good thing. It felt good that she trusted my opinion to ask me. Which is funny becuase I didnt do anything with my life, Steve did. He showed me how to do a lot of things. Its embarassing the amount of basic things I didnt understand. Thats what happens when your parents dont prepare you with certain life management skills.