Women and Farting

Everybody loves a good fart joke. Everybody.

As for women, we're not supposed to *gasp* fart, but you know it happens.

Well, let me start at the beginning. A long long time ago in a land far far away, Steve and I were driving home from a holiday dinner at my family's house. The temperature outside was freezing. The water underneath the Annapolis Bay Bridge was a good 75% frozen over. Freezing. So I'm stuck in the car with Steve and about halfway home he starts farting. I mean, vicious, "omg wtf died in your ass" farts. I couldnt roll down the window without risking frostbite, so basically I rode the whole way home with my nose in my sweater.

Fast forward a little bit, and we come to what I have dubbed the "ice cream" farts. Steve isnt quite lactose intolerant, but he's getting there so already he doesnt digest ice cream as well as the normal person. I started coming to bed, say, an hour and a half after him, and it felt like as soon as I laid down next to him, he would fart. I guess it didnt happen every time but it certainly happened often enough to make me start taking it personally.

Over time, I've had my own doozies that I feel are just paybacks for what I've had to endure. However, Saturday's took the cake. I dont know what I ate, but just as we were rolling up on KMart I had to let it fly. Immediately, I smelled it and rolled down the window. I'm giggling like its the funniest thing ever and Steve is looking at me like "I cant believe my fiance just farted!" So we roll up the windows and head into KMart. Well this fart was so foul that it followed me out of the car for a few seconds, and when I came back outside to get into the car as soon as I opened the door it hit me again.

Of course, this is all too horrifying for words. But funny. I'm dying giggling and Steve is still rolling his eyes. As much as I would like to say that this was a true evening up of the score, Steve had a cold and only got 10% of what it really was. Very depressing, I must say. But dont worry, dear reader. There'll be others.