Look who's cooking now

Thats right, its me. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner almost all by my little self. Here was the menu:

Turkey (a 16lb'er with an internal timer, rubbed with butter and rotiesserie seasoning-who knew you needed poultry seasoning! but this worked fine too.)
Stuffing (its a good thing I had my seasoning cabinet stocked, who knew you needed seasoned bread?)
Cranberry (canned ftw)
Mashed potatoes (made with chives and onion cream cheese)
Baked Macaroni and Cheese (with an Italian breadcrumb crust top)
Mutant sweet potatoes (each one was well over a pound, slathered in butter and tossed into the oven with the turkey)
Corn on the Cob (so easy)
Green Bean casserole (pan fried onions, portabella mushrooms, and fresh greenbeans)
Croissant Rolls (thank God for stoneware, they came out perfectly)
Salad (Spinach, Feta Cheese, Tomato, and chopped walnuts with Raspberry vinagrette dressing, sooo so easy)

We had deviled eggs and my bread dip stuff for appetizers, too. Nobody went home hungry.

Steve was uber nazi the past two days. I understand his fear because slacking is my profession but damn, he was really starting to piss me off. Luckily, all of that neck breathing paid off. Wednesday I touched up the house for company, and got the bedroom ready for the footboard while trying to make room for all of the guests that were coming. Again, thankfully I made my pies on Wednesday, oh I forgot the pies. I made an Apple-Cranberry pie and a pumpkin pie. They were awesome. *toots her own horn* Yes so I made the pies, peeled and chopped the potatoes, and boiled the eggs on Wednesday. There was only one crises, involving the turkey and my mistaken theory that the turkey was still frozen. At the end of the day, I was soooo tired by the time my head hit the pillow I was already snoring.

Thursday was very manic for me. Only one crises on Thursday, when I realized I couldnt find the other soup mix that I was sure I had. I know its here in the house, dammit but I dont know where it was. Without the soup mix, no bread dip. That was solved by a quick trip to the grocery store which I dont like to do at all but this was the first party I was hosting, and I wanted everything to go smoothly. The day started at 9am and literally did not end until well after 10pm. I cooked, I cleaned, I peeled, I snipped, cut, trimmed, and generally wore little toes down to nubs from walking around so much. I even had help! Still, being the main person in charge was very draining. You never know how much goes into cooking a holiday dinner until you're the main one working. Hostess, cook, dishwasher, and maid all in one. Trying to keep up after 5 people on a holiday is nuts. I have newfound respect for all women who manage the holidays and stay in one piece.

I was in the grocery store on Wednesday and saw the saddest thing. This guy was in the line behind me with a 6 pack of Bud (no thats not the sad part) and two individual microwave lasagna meals. By individiual I mean, teeny tiny one person meal. That was just so sad. :-(

I have so much more to blog about but I am so tired I cant even type.

I have my "Mad Face" on

Grumpy grumpy day. And the weather isnt making things any better. Well, thats not true. Normally I love rainy, chilly, foggy days but this one takes the cake.

I'm sitting here waiting on my father in law to call me and tell me when he's almost to Value City Furniture so I can go meet him. We're getting the final piece, kinda. Well the last thing we're going to buy for awhile. The Chair.

I picked the set for The Chair. I love The Chair. Its a chair and a half, almost as big as the loveseat. I love this thing. I could live on it. I think it has something to do with an early fascination of mine of the movie "Heathers." Christian Slater was so fucking hot in that movie. Plus, you get to watch Shannen Doherty die. Its like, two birds, one stone. Brilliant.

My Uncle Al told me my footboard came in for the bed but VC still hasnt called me. Fucking assholes. I dont know why its my job to get my shit delivered. rRRrRRRrrrr.

Yesterday was a fun day in reguards to eating. In the morning, before church, we eat out at the hotel we meet in. Its a nice, well kept secret. The buffet is packed with really good food, a huge selection, and hardly anybody is there. Its a little more expensive but the food is better that your average place, and I dont mind paying extra for no crowds. We ate around 10, which is pretty late but fits with our schedule.

After church, the pastor and his wife invited us to eat lunch with them. In the past, we've said no and it was just one of those things where if we refused them one more time, it would have become insulting. So they chose the restaurant, and where else did they want to go? Golden Corral. Yep. For once, it wasnt a dump and the food looked fragging good. Every other Golden Corral I've went too (think Sizzler) has just been old, dirty and completely unappetizing. We ate a little more than we should have there but everything just looked and smelled and tasted so good. Damn.

When we got home at 2pm we realized we had a dinner thing with the family at 4:30. It was Tita and Al's anniversary. Crap. At no other place than Carrabas. That is not a place where you can eat light. Everything is so heavy. I wanted to weep. We asked if we could change the time from 4:30 to 5:30, and everyone agreed on the new time. The only problem was that at 5:30 the big table we needed was going to be over an hour wait so Tita and Al took it upon themselves to get two booths rather than find another place to eat.

Nicholas paid Steve $1 to beat me up, hehe. It was funny, playing with him at the dinner table. It worked out good too, he only squealed a couple times and I was careful to keep him from bumping the back of the seat. Then of course, monkey see monkey do and Savannah got her dollar and came over to beat me up too! What the hell.

At one point I had to use the restroom. They were playing Spanish tapes, teaching Spanish to English. I was sitting there peeing thinking, what the fuck. I'm peeing, not trying to RETAIN something. The point escaped me. Had it been soft, Spanish music, or something sexy and hot in Spanish that would have owned. But no. I got to hear the translation of "They had two monkeys" or some shit. USEFUL.

True to form, Tita and Al were ready to leave as soon as they were done eating. It bugs me that they never relax over dinner. Whatever. Fine. I had a great time messing with Nicholas and Savannah.

Steve and I have talked about the wedding a lot. It sounds like the cruise idea is going to be a bust. The whole point was to have a neutral, fun ground where my family could meet his family without being jammed down each others throats. Since nobody from his family cares, or gets the point, we're changing our plans. We'll do a Justice of the Peace wedding here, or maybe have our pastor marry us, then go out to eat at like Outback or something. I would just say fuck it and run off and get hitched but that would only punish those who wanted to see us married. Anyway, immediately after dinner Steve and I will fly out somewhere, we're really thinking of a Sandals resort. Sandals has a lot of locations over the Bahamas, U.S. V.I. and Jamaica. The resort has a lot going for it, a lot of activities, beautiful locations. Plus, like a cruise, everything is included like food, tips, all of that stuff. The only thing that isnt covered is airfare and when you go off the grounds. If we stay more than 5 nights, which we would, we can have a wedding ceremony for free there in an intimate setting for just us. I was looking at Sandal's wedding packages, and I would be getting everything the same as the cruise wedding. The only thing I'm not thrilled about is their photography package but how expensive can a photographer be for an hour or two? So thats the word on that.

A Day in the Life a Desparate Housewife....

Except I'm not desparate and I'm not married...

I am totally looking forward to Sunday. Its the first day I'll have to really relax before I begin cleaning/preparing my house for the holidays. Atleast it wont be like last week, with the furniture deliveries. Weeee. Last night pretty much summed up what my whole week has been like.

Steve walks in the door, late from work and I'm upstairs folding clothes. He says, "Honey I have to work tomorrow and I hurt my hands so I need looser pants so I can button them easier." "Hurt my hands" really means he sprained the crap out of one and bent the other back by trying to catch a falling server. Who the hell is dumb enough to try and catch a 35lb server? On top of that, while trying to catch it, he tripped and hurt his other hand by landing on it. For such a bright guy, he definitely stumps me sometimes.

He says to me, "I need a pair of black, pleated, and cuffed pants for work tomorrow." So I picked up dinner and after I thought I'd just run to Kohl's and find his pants. No such luck. I found black pleated pants in his size but no cuffs, found black cuffed pants with no pleats in his size and I found pleated and cuffed black pants but not in his size. Rarely is he that specific, and if he's that specific its for a reason.

As you can imagine I was going apeshit. I went to Kohl's, Men's Wearhouse, Men's Big and Tall, and finally found what I was looking for in Burlington Coat Factory. So I bring them home, only the size he always gets is too long in that brand. What the fuck? I know he didnt shrink! So I had to run back to Burlington and exchange for a size shorter. I think I got into the store with 10min to spare before closing and of course trying to exchange and ring out my purchases was a nightmare. The people that work in that store just dont know how to ring people out efficiently. Anyway.

So that pretty much expresses the pace all last week was for me. I can tell its the holidays because normally the baking aisle is a ghost town. Today, the place was packed with people who looked so confused. It would have been funny if I wasnt confused too. :-p

I went to the gym today, after not going Tues-Fri. Yuck, that was miserable. Wont be doing that again, no matter how busy I get. It was a nice workout too. I felt a good burn in my calves but wasnt too winded coming off the treadmill. I want to do some more with the free weights, I could have done it today but I really needed cardio.

I went shopping and picked up some more stuff for groceries today, so now really all I need is produce for the dinner. And some tea. And that's that. See how terribly interesting I am?

I had a minor epiphany today. I was talking to Steve about Nancy, the gym lady who is like, older. Maybe in her mid 40s. I was saying how much I liked her, and he asked me why I liked older people so much. It kinda made me stop and think because really most of the people I get along with are older, with the exception of a few people. Lilija, being the most noteable. But our circumstances are very similar in a lot of ways... Anyway so I was thinking about this and it occured to me that I'm attracted to wisdom, which is something a lot of younger people and people my age lack. So, Lilija, it turns out I only want you for your wisdom! ;-)

These Days

I woke up early to pick up my father in law from the airport. Nothing like waking up at 5 am to fight D.C. traffic. Its petty of me to complain, the reason I had to pick him up from the airport was because he graciously left his truck with us for use to dispose of our old furniture. But if there is one thing I cant stand, its D.C. traffic. I would literally rather drill a hole in my head than drive through rush hour traffic in D.C. Nevermind that I have an older filipino lady in the car trying to give me directions by reading the signs that she cant read until we've pretty much passed them, and telling me to slow down when I'm trying to follow the flow of traffic so I dont cause an accident. I really should not complain, however thats about as high stress as it gets for me.

Cris and I were supposed to drop Nicholas off at school this morning but apparently the poor kid dislikes the school so much he cries in class. I dont know if this is something like separation anxiety from his mom or if the school is genuinely working Nicholas too hard. He's only 5 and he's in a full day of school there. Montesorry schools are harder than a public school but he's not unwilling to take an opportunity when he sees one. See, Cris disapproves of this school for the simple fact that he goes for a full day. She doesnt think he should have to go for a full day yet, whether its right or wrong she always is reluctant to leave him there, which Nicholas always picks up on. Today we went to drop Nicholas off, and he made the sad face and Cris fell for it hook, line, and sinker. She looked at me and said, "Do you think we have to drop him off today?" What the hell, what do I know? So I'm like "sure," although I had an ulterior motive, hehe. With Nicholas in the car we could use the H.O.V. lanes to pick up Hank. It worked out, we got there faster, Nicholas didnt have to go to school and Cris didnt have to be upset about leaving him there. And, if anyone's going to catch hell it will be Cris but she wont because no matter what Amy does for the kids it will never be up to Cris's standards. If Amy opens her mouth, Cris will explode on Amy and Amy knows that.

Its like a soap opera, only better. :-D

Pita is up to his old tricks with the toilet again. I was hoping that letting him play in the sink would cure that. :-( I lifted the lid to use the restroom when I went to open the sliding glass door to let in some fresh air really fast. In the 10 seconds it took me to do that he was up on the bowl with his nose in the water. I kicked him off, and he immediately jumped up on the sink and tucked himself in it, waiting for me to turn on the water. Bizarrrrrre animal. I came in here, into the computer room and sat down at Steve's desk for a minute. He comes in, jumps on Steve's desk and starts knocking stuff off. I mean, on purpose. He knocked a pen, nail clippers, an empty water bottle and an old video card off the desk. I couldnt believe his arrogant ass. It was like the drop and pick up game babies play.

Then, he noticed the mouse moving across the screen and started jumping at it, and swatting it with his paws. Funniest. Shit. Ever. Better than a laser pointer. So he's worn himself out, and I move back to my desk, and he decides he wants to be cute and fluffy and tucks himself into this tiny cubby hole in my desk only he's too big to fit there anymore so he's knocking stuff around. He finally gets that he's too big, and comes out to lay across my keyboard. Oh, and he has a fascination with bread. Twice in a row he's taken the rolls and ripped them out of the bag, to play with them like hockey pucks. I've woken up to find the rolls half tore up, kicked across the floor which is obvious from the bread crumbs, only to find them in secret hidey holes in the house.

What a cheese whiz. Pita's name sure does fit him.

Its almost time to get my new weight and measurements. I'm really scared that I wont see any results.

I'm seriously considering changing the wedding plans. I want to do this with the cruise but I wont have Steve embarassed or disrespected when no one shows up for the cruise except for his daughter. Its bullshit, the amount of stuff he does for his family and this is what he gets in return. The saddest part is I deal with this stuff with my family all of the time. I just wasnt expecting it from his.

I recently heard a new song, I think its gorgeous. It's called Holy Water by Big and Rich. Click on the second Holy Water (not the exclusive performance one), if you want to listen to it.

I've been doing some deep thinking of late, and I'll leave you with it. In the state of New York, aggravated animal cruelty is a felony, punishable by a fine of $5000 and imprisonment of up to 2 years. So, in the state of New York, you cant starve your dog to death, but you can have an abortion. When did a dog's life become more valuable than a human's?

Furniture Madness Part 3

Sorry I havent updated the blog in such a long time. Almost every spare moment I had was devoted to play World of Warcraft, and trust me those spare moments were few and far between. Unfortunately, open beta is over with today. Tis a sad day, everyone cry. NOW DAMMIT! Okay now you may rejoice, for World of Warcraft is being released November 23!!!! /happy happy joy joy dance

A quick sidenote, I've decided to play a Gnome Warlock, because the Gnome girls' laugh is eerily similar to my own. /giggle

Everything for Thanksgiving was finally finalized so I know what I'm doing and how much to buy. I got my turkey, the perfect size of 16lbs with the little pop up doohicker and everything. The only thing left for me to do is buy produce, which I'll get this Monday. I looked in the paper and got all giddy, almost everything I still need is on sale at Food Lion. Sweet potatoes, $.27/lb YES!

So this whole week I've literally spent cleaning my house. It just never seemed to end. It was all in preparation for my furniture which was delivered yesterday, but more on that later. I have vacuumed my house top to bottom 6 times. 6 TIMES! And still I need to vacuum again. I guess this is why people prune their plants, hehe. I have dead leaves all over my house from moving plants so the delivery men could bring things into the house.

My house really is still in disarray. We had to move a lot of the old stuff we were planning on keeping into Jennifer's bedroom so her room is packed full of our crap, the closet is full of stuff. And I have to put it all away! /cry I cant put it away yet either because we're still expecting one last piece of furniture, and the deliverers will have to work in the bedroom again. With the King-sized bed they'll need all the manuevering room they can get.

I bought all of my stuff from Value City Furniture. I dont particularly like the company or anything but Steve's uncle works there so we figured we'd hook him up with a nice commission and he got a couple things with his discount for us. It all worked out in the end. Anyway, the delivery men came bright and early yesterday morning. I got everything I ordered except for the footboard for the bed but I knew that wasnt coming. They'll have to come back when the footboard comes in, and remove the "loaner" frame and set up the real frame. It better come in soon, that's all I have to say. And anyway, how the hell do they have the headboard but not the footboard? What the hell kind of sense does that make?

The delivery guys were very cool. Hard workers, friendly, they worked with me and gave me exactly what I wanted. They even let me vacuum under the old bed after they'd removed it and the frame before setting up the new bed. Oh yeah, remember how I said there was going to be that stray set of panties that thoroughly embarassed me? I worked hard to clean everything up and make sure there were no panties. So much so that I missed an empty condom wrapper. :-|

So they put the mattress in and I was all happy, jumping up and down on it and rolling around and giggling. You'd have to hear me giggle to understand. The cat was looking at me like I was psycho. He wasnt too happy about having to jump extra high to get on the bed, either. HEHE. The bed is a monster, it kills me everytime I see it. Steve has the alarm clock on his side of the bed, and this morning it went off for me. So I'm crawling across the bed to turn it off and by the time I got there I felt like I'd just ran a marathon. Enormous.

The couch and loveseat are perfect, too. Perfectly weird. I LOVE IT. They're kind of tall rather than wide out like. They are very comfy and all, dont get me wrong. Just taller than I thought in the showroom. Its good though because taller is better than wider in our tiny living room. Leaves plenty of room for a coffee table. But still it looks kind of weird because they are so tall. I love it. Seriously. The chair for the set is coming Friday or Monday. Its ginormous though, almost as big as the loveseat with fluffy cushions. I fell in love with this furniture set because of the chair. Steve's just happy his feet dont hang off the end like they did on the old ones. Oh, and we were going to take the old couches to the dump and put them into the "too good to dump" pile but one of the delivery men took it to give to his church. That makes me happy, there really wasnt anything wrong with them except they were a little too small and a little dirty because they were white and we didnt scotch guard them. Doh! The Goodwills around here dont except furniture, you have to drive all the wya out to Dumfries and thats more of a pain in the ass than its worth so I'm happy the guy took them.

Weeee!

I went to the gym and worked with Nancy again for my second appointment. That lady is just brutal. My chesticles are soooo sore. And tomorrow we're going to work on the lower end of my body. /cry Actually no crying. I'm beyond happy. HAPPY!

On Friday Steve's mother Cris and I went shopping for each other for christmas. We picked out what we wanted and the other bought it and is going to wrap it with a little something extra. It works out better this way, because they've given me some nice stuff that I just cant use. I have a bowl and a platter that they gave me two years ago and this Thanksgiving is the first time I'll have enough people over to use it. So it'll be another two years before I can use them again. Just not practical, see. This way works out better.

Okay. I'm done for now I think.

I'll leave you with this: (Thanks Brenda!)

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

I dont know about all that but it certainly is flattering. Kind of.

Anger Management

For Tito: I farted today, and it was so bad the cat left the room. No more middle eastern food for me.

Anger Management, where to begin. It all started with a teensy weensy diet. For me, you ask? No no, for my kitties.

My older cat is almost 8 and weighs 17.5lbs. In case you were wondering, she's very overweight. At the moment, healthwise it isnt causing her any problems. Her weight will be a problem in a few more years though so she has to lose some pounds.

I bought Science Diet. Science Diet is a cross between protein bars, and kitty steroids. They only need two small scoops a day, because it is very pure food. Most regular brands have a lot of ash, or fillers. The good is the cats eat less, more healthy food. The bad is that it isnt cheap. The ugly is the cats have to be fed separately. Pita is on kitty food because he needs nutrients good for a kitty. Spooky is on a diet food and she hates the food. Unfortunately, I have to do whats best for her health.

Spooky knows I feed Pita in the computer room, because she discovered it one day when I forgot to pick Pita's food up. So now when I separate them she tries to get into the computer room. When that doesnt work she shoots me a dirty look and eats two bites of her food and walks away, tail twitching.

If Spooky still had claws I might be worried that she'd slit my throat while I was sleeping. As it is I think she's teaching Pita some new bad habits and egging him on when he does bad things. Thats just her way. She isnt speaking to me, either. Except when she demands food. :-(

I need anger management for my kitty.

The highlight of my day was the massage. There was a fitness faire at my gym last Saturday. I put my name in a basket, and it was pulled for a free 30min massage! So I scheduled it for today, and man o man I feel like a rubber doll. For once my shoulders arent hurting, and my shoulders always hurt. I cant wait to meet my fitness goal so I can get another massage. :-D

Afterthoughts and Whimsy

I'll start with whimsy.

My gym is right across the street. I walk there in the mornings to go work out. The road in between the gym and my house is a four lane, busy road with a median in the center. I was running across the road the other day and I made it to the median and it was like I was a kid again, running to base. I almost said, "base!" Hehehehe. That just made me giggle.

Afterthoughts are more in depth and grumpy. Be warned.

My mom and I decided several weeks ago that she wouldnt be coming to Thanksgiving dinner. That was before she planned on moving to Florida. I had already invited Roger and Karen, our pastor and his wife, and Steve's parents. For the size of our house thats the perfect amount of people, really. Well, now my mom is coming, and I cant uninvite Roger and Karen (not that I would) and Amy decides she isnt going to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving. The whole reason I was hosting Thanksgiving this year was because Amy and Tony and the kids were going to Wisconsin, and Tita and Al were flying to Texas. That left Cris and Hank, and thats fine for my little house.

Now that Amy and Tony arent going, and my mom is coming to my house I just dont have the room for everyone but I dont want to leave Amy and Tony without family on the holiday season. I've been without family around the holiday, and it really stinks. I suggested to Cris that she stay at Amy's house and do something with them. Well this got to be a whole big thing like I suddenly didnt want Cris to come over which isnt true at all. I want her there, but I dont have the room for Amy and Tony and it would be rude of me to invite Cris and Hank AND Roger and Karen who I already invited, and not Amy and Tony and the kids.

5 phone calls later, we got this all sorted out. Hank and Cris are coming to my house and Amy and Tony will do something just for themselves. This is actually something I'm looking forward too. A nice, quiet dinner where our parents can get to know each other. Thankfully, Kevin wont be there. Just my mom and my sister. But its the right atmosphere I think for everyone to be able to talk and stuff.

Afterthoughts is really what happened after Amy and I had our last phone call. We hung up and she called me 10 minutes later to see if I wanted to go to lunch with all of the women in the family. They had already made plans, and since she and I got off the phone with each other suddenly it occured to her to invite me.

Its nice being an afterthought.

I had a nice workout this morning but everything else from the night before has been absolutely shitty. To the point that I dont even want to blog about it. I just want to crawl into bed and put a pillow over my head.

The Shoe is on the Other Foot

Really quick, Furniture Madness Pt. 2.

The Dining set came yesterday. I cleaned up the area it was going into and Steve put it together when he got home from work. I was a little unsure after it was set up if it would be right, but after we removed the old dining set this afternoon, I'm confidant its the perfect choice. Its about 2.5ft square, with dark wood and black metal. Most of the table itself is a ceramic tile, and the colors match the wall color, and 90% of the Japanese stuff we have downstairs. The outside of the table is framed in the dark wood that is on the chair backs and seats while the chair frames and table legs are the black metal. The table really goes beautifully with this Japanese jade divider Steve has. The divider is about 6ft long, with a black wood frame but its carved beautifully down the sides and bottom. The top is curved circularly, and the divider is glass over a dark gold background with a lot of jade flowers and stuff inside it. I cant really describe it, I should take a picture of it but I have to say, the table set it off gorgeously. The table itself is the perfect size, too, for our house and leaves plenty of room for the living room furniture we're getting. The couch, loveseat, and chair are just a tad oversized for our house but since the dining room is so small we should be able to get away with it. AAAHHH I'm so stoked. Ok, on to the Shoe.

The only person in the world I depended on for most of my life was my mom, in a no nonsense sort of way. Through it all, we're family, and no matter what we get things done for each other. I depended on her for life advice, for money advice, cooking advice. Let me say, she failed in all of those departments but I dont fault her for that. She was so young when she had me, and no one in our family stepped up to show her the right way, or any way for that matter. She had to learn how to survive fast, and I think that when she did that she formed several habits or ways of thinking that havent changed. Its like her survival mode is always on. I get that about her, and I get that from her. Think of a Policeman, who lives his whole life dealing with mostly liars and scumbags. After awhile, he starts sizing up everyone he meets. That's kind of how it is with her, but its more of a "whats an escape route," "where can I go from here," "what if I cant pay the rent."

I started living that way, and making decisions that werent good ones, because my judgement was clouded with a survival instinct. I know it sounds weird and probably survival isnt exactly the appropriate word but anyway... After living with Steve, my life has changed, evolved, and along with it, my perspective. I still love my mother but I see the mistakes she's made or keeps making.

Today she called, and after we got through the bullshit we had a really honest conversation about a lot of things going on in her life. Its kind of strange how life's rules define your parent as your best friend but still there are things you cant or shouldnt talk about (other than your sex lives, because nobody wants to know how often their mom/daughter is scrumping). What I'm specifically saying is that my mom feels odd asking me for advice, even though I'm the only person in this world who really gets her. I can tell you all day long about who she is and what she's done but you'll never understand her the way I do.

Now, her situation is really bad. She cant get hired because her former employer is implying bad things about her. While they cant say anything directly there are a lot of things that you can imply with just the inflection of the voice. The fact that she walked out doesnt help her any, either. The same thing with her boyfriend, Kevin. He also worked for the same company and manager, and has since applied to several jobs and had promising interviews, but after they talk to their references suddenly they wont return their calls. Part of this they brought on themselves, but thats unimportant. What matters now is that she cant get a job in the area.

The business they both work for (big mistake) is dicking around with their hours. Kevin isnt getting enough hours to pay the bills, and they are trying to take one of the two days my mom works away from her. You have to understand the economy of the area. Its all going to be retail jobs that pay jack, unless you drive out to Delaware, which is a good hour away. Any profit you made from driving farther out will get eaten up by gas/time. My mother also doesnt have any clerical training, although a monkey could do data entry.

She doesnt have a baby sitter for my sister thats local. She's been driving 120 miles round trip and having my aunt watch her on the weekends but thats $60 blown away just in gas, never mind the time spent in the car. Plus, my mom doesnt get off work until 8:30pm on Sundays. By the time she gets home from my aunts its 1am or later and then my sister has to be up and ready for school on Monday.

She has no friends in the area. My mom's kind of a weird person when it comes to friends. She really only wants one at a time, I imagine because that's all she has time to focus on. Right now, her dear friend Diane is having a lot of medical problems. I mean, a lot. Chemotherapy, back surgeries, the whole nine yards. My mom is really missing Diane, too. They have been friends for a long time and my mom and Diane go to Diane's timeshare every year together and just hang out with no kids, no phone, no hubbies. Just a couple daiquiries and the pool.

I'm not excusing my mother, there are a lot of decisions she could have made that would put her in a better situation than she's in now. However, I understand where she's at.

She wants to move back to Florida. She was hesitant to tell me, because she didnt want to down on my happy parade. I hate to break it to her, but she's not the source of the happy parade. And, as often as she comes to see me here, I might see her more often if she lives in Florida. Meow. Ok I'll put the claws back. She has Diane there, Kevin and my mom have tons of job opportunities that will allow her to go back to school. My sister has her dad there, who will be glad to help with child care/babysitting. Actually it will be his sister but whatever. Woops, I said I'd put the claws back.

It was very odd that we were talking about her life decisions, and her mistakes. I didnt pound too much on her, because her soul had already taken a beating but I had to get my time in while it was granted to me. I talked to her about money management, because nobody ever taught me how to save or spend money. I'm going to send her Dave Ramsey's book. He's got a great plan for anyone who's in debt or wants to save money for retirement, that kind of thing. Its not a get rich quick scheme, the program that he teaches is all common sense stuff that nobody ever talks about.

I talked to her about moving. I told her that if thats what she wanted to do, Kevin needs to go down two months ahead of her and stay with a friend so he has no bills. He needs to take the job that will pay a good wage, that will allow him as much overtime as possible so he can send her money and they can save to move. She can stay up there and take her time packing, making good with aunt Judy (who she rents teh house from) and spending time with me before she goes.

I told her that she and Olivia needed to suck up Christmas this year, and to tell Olivia that her future is more important than a bunch of toys she's not going to remember in ten years.

I talked to her about going back to school, getting health insurance and benefits, if she should get a dog or not before she moves. God we talked for 3 hours. My ear still hurts. No kidding. But we had a good thing. It felt good that she trusted my opinion to ask me. Which is funny becuase I didnt do anything with my life, Steve did. He showed me how to do a lot of things. Its embarassing the amount of basic things I didnt understand. Thats what happens when your parents dont prepare you with certain life management skills.

Days Go By

I had my first appointment of 3 for personal training with Nancy the gym lady. She took my measurements again, even though its only been about 2 1/2 weeks. I've gained two pounds, and in some places my measurements stayed the same. However, I did lose and gain some measurements in certain areas, which is to be expected. Nancy said that I was right on target. I am building muscle which is why I gained weight, and gained measurements and am losing some fat in certain areas which is why some of the measurements went down.

I came in early, so the place was virutally empty and Nancy and I got a really good work out. Mostly what we did the first time was worked specific muscles, so she could gauge where I was and that I was working the right muscle groups. Unfortunately, my abs are shot. I could feel the center but the sides are virtually non existant. So, I've got a lot of work to do with them. I'm going to a class tonight, called Power Scult. Be afraid. Be very afraid. (he he)

I'm still happy, and totally motivated. It feels so great to know that I'm going to lose this weight. The ladies at the gym are supporting me, too which is something I wasnt expecting. Almost everyone is very chatty and friendly.

Days going by. Actually they are flying by. I feel like I'm in slow motion sometimes. I still have a lot to do in reguards to our wedding cruise but I'm waiting on us, first. I dont want to give everyone the reserve information before Steve and I have reserved. That just doesnt seem right, exactly.

I dont think his family realizes that this is how we're going to do it. They think that, "oh its a year away." I get that all the time. I guess they dont realize that nowadays you need to plan a year in advance, especially in the area that we live in. Booking the cruise early gives us plenty of time to save and nothing is completely locked in until June, just in case something does come up. I think its pretty sad, the way things are going only Steve's daughter will be there to support him. I thought better of his family than that.

Pita has been sleeping in the sink. This is most unusual because he likes to sleep near people, or at the very least Spooky. However, I've caught him several times sleeping in the bathroom sink. Yesterday we got into a fight because he was in the tub, full on this time while I was showering. He jumped out before I could catch him, dripping water everywhere and he decided that he didnt want to be blow dryed, and that he'd rather eat the blow dryer instead. :-( Aside from eating my hair and digging into the plant though he was relatively well behaved.

That's that.

Women and Farting

Everybody loves a good fart joke. Everybody.

As for women, we're not supposed to *gasp* fart, but you know it happens.

Well, let me start at the beginning. A long long time ago in a land far far away, Steve and I were driving home from a holiday dinner at my family's house. The temperature outside was freezing. The water underneath the Annapolis Bay Bridge was a good 75% frozen over. Freezing. So I'm stuck in the car with Steve and about halfway home he starts farting. I mean, vicious, "omg wtf died in your ass" farts. I couldnt roll down the window without risking frostbite, so basically I rode the whole way home with my nose in my sweater.

Fast forward a little bit, and we come to what I have dubbed the "ice cream" farts. Steve isnt quite lactose intolerant, but he's getting there so already he doesnt digest ice cream as well as the normal person. I started coming to bed, say, an hour and a half after him, and it felt like as soon as I laid down next to him, he would fart. I guess it didnt happen every time but it certainly happened often enough to make me start taking it personally.

Over time, I've had my own doozies that I feel are just paybacks for what I've had to endure. However, Saturday's took the cake. I dont know what I ate, but just as we were rolling up on KMart I had to let it fly. Immediately, I smelled it and rolled down the window. I'm giggling like its the funniest thing ever and Steve is looking at me like "I cant believe my fiance just farted!" So we roll up the windows and head into KMart. Well this fart was so foul that it followed me out of the car for a few seconds, and when I came back outside to get into the car as soon as I opened the door it hit me again.

Of course, this is all too horrifying for words. But funny. I'm dying giggling and Steve is still rolling his eyes. As much as I would like to say that this was a true evening up of the score, Steve had a cold and only got 10% of what it really was. Very depressing, I must say. But dont worry, dear reader. There'll be others.

Furniture Madness

In case you were wondering what's happened to Lilija, Partydawg and me, well let's just say we have been sucked into the black hole known as gaming addiction again via World of Warcraft. We are all still semi-reachable through our guild website but that's not a guarantee.

If you were wondering about Pita, he's fine although he's up to some new tricks. Pita's been hanging out in the sink recently. Steve, in all of his wisdom, decided to let the sink run to teach Pita a lesson. Had Steve consulted me before hand I would have told him exactly what was going to happen. However, he did not. Pita immediately began batting at the water, splashing it everywhere but most notably the giant wall mirror in front of the sink. When that didnt work out so well, Pita decided he was going to bite the water, and managed to get water up his nose at which he shook the water off his entire body. In a miracle of modern science, Pita's tiny body put forth enough water to drown a horse, all over the bathroom. Steve is in the shower watching this happen, and laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall on his ass. Yeah, really funny. I've got to clean up the 8th ocean and now Pita expects you to turn on the water for him whenever he jumps into the sink. Genius idea, Steve. Well, I s'pose it is better than the toilet.

As far as that goes, its too cold for Pita to be running around the house with wet fur and we get into an argument everytime I have to towel him dry. There is hope. Pita has taken to being blow-dryed. As long as the air doesnt hit is ears, he'll sit there like he's king of the world being waited on by a servant. The little shithead. But atleast I dont have to worry about him catching the kitty equivalent of pneumonia.

Nothing beyond that to report, except that yesterday Pita was attached to my leg. He followed me everywhere I want. Note: everywhere. I was sitting at the desk playing World of Warcraft, and Pita was not going to be happy unless he was sitting across my lap on top of my hands. I have a lot of lap, dear reader, but he has a lot of body so he kept sliding off. It was pitiful but he would not give up. Finally we came to a compromise. He laid in the chair behind my butt and I got to hang off the front end of my chair. Great compromise but atleast I could type without sounding like I had Tourettes.

Onto what I have dubbed, "furniture madness." When we first bought the bed we bought a Queen sized bed. Before it was delivered, Steve changed his mind and wanted a King sized bed. So we had to go back and get the size up in frame and mattress. Well the mattress we wanted was a huge price difference. I took a lower priced one, but made Steve come in with me today to make sure this is one we would be okay with. He said no. Why was I not surprised? /roll eyes

We picked out a different mattress, even more expensive than the original (I think he did that to spite me) and while we were there I dragged him over to the living room set I saw the second time I was there. I wanted to show him what I liked, so we could keep an eye out for it. Long story short, we're getting a new living room set too.

November 17th is what I have dubbed, "D" day for us. The "D" stands for 'dammit' because that's what I'm going to be saying all day. Somehow, some way, the dining room, living room, and bedroom furniture all needs to be removed that morning although we could probaby do the dining set the night before.... I digress. And the spaces need to be cleaned before anything else can be set up. This isnt as true with the living and dining area because they're hardwood floor and easy to keep after. Its the bedroom that I'm scared about. You know, how the five million things accumulate. I'll clean it up before they deliver but just my luck there'll be a stray set of panties roaming around. *sigh* Plus, they have to get the bed frame which is going to be a king sized sleigh bed, plus the king mattresses up the tiny stair hallway to the bedroom.

As a woman, I'm really excited about new furniture. But also as a woman, I'm like, "that's a buttload of work to do to prepare." Oh well, atleast we arent looking for coffee tables. We have something already that will work perfectly. Now its just the rug for the living room we need to get.

Sooo we're prepared for a Queen sized bed in that we have plenty of sheets, blankets, even a down comforter and the cover I bought recently for it. Now, I have to buy everything, King sized. That's not cheap. I still want to go cheap, while Steve is fighting me on getting something nice to have for a long time. I'm all for nice but I cant help but think of the price tag, especially when we have to pay for the cruise reservations and wedding cermony next pay day. Financially, we're still pretty stable but I'm still balking at spending so much in one month.

Madness.

So much for that

I was hoping after the elections, especially by the margin that Bush won with, that things would settle down on ACF.

Of course not.

I dont know why I care, other than it used to be a fun place to chill and get a good chuckle now and then. It hasnt been like that for awhile but I guess your first forum addiction is like your first MMO, hard to give up.

I guess its just weird. I never thought I would feel so personally attacked, or have to defend myself the way I do on ACF now. Christianity is the new thing to hate, I mean really hate. There are two personalities over there that hate Christians. I dont know who peed in their Cheerios, but what the hell?

And suddenly Christians are the only ones to have morals? Errr. How about no?

Its sad that only the far right whack jobs get air time. If you were to ask the average Christian about their faith, it would definitely different from that one nut job, I dont remember his name but he's the one that said Tinky Winky was gay and all that horse shit. I've got news for you Christian haters, we roll our eyes at him too.

The thing is, the majority of Christians are relatively normal people, trying to live our lives in service to the Lord. As for the ones that twist God's word, well just remember, that's the man, not the Lord speaking.

I know a lot of bad things have been done within the churches, and by the representatives of the churches, and you can choose to remember that, rather than all the good churches try to do. I used to think that Christian missionaries over in other countries were bad, and holding food and health over natives head in order to get them to come to faith but that's not true. In third world countries, one thing they dont have is hope. And the Lord brings hope to everyone.

So you can choose to remember the ugly things, or you can think about the good that Christians do. The soup kitchens, the homeless shelters, and yes the missionaries. Even me. I remember once my mother couldnt pay rent, or utilities and had no money for food. So she, who never ever went to church with me, asked my church for help. And they helped her, no strings attached. One year a Christian organization paid for my christmas. There was no money, so my mother contacted some organization that sponsored families. They bought us a turkey, and everything that goes with it, plus all of my presents.

All of the good stuff gets lost in the bad. Its hard to buy into meekness and let go of pride when some preacher is rolling around in his big caddy with his nice suit and pinky ring telling you to tithe to the church. That's not what the Lord is about, but seeing that makes a lasting impression on non-believers. Been there, done that.

*sigh*

This post brought to you by "I cant believe its not ACF!"

Voting

Well, for the first time ever I voted today. It was definitely an experience. I got to the line and realize that they had mispelled my name on my voter registration card. So I had to wait while the lady called over her supervisor and he had to call his supervisor. Blah blah blah, and ten minutes later I got to vote.

At first I thought I was going to have to go into the old booths, and I got nervous. They looked like soemthing out of an old Vincent Price movie with all of the bars and levers and the curtain. Weirdness. Luckily the lady in front of me declared that she didnt "wanna use that thang." That "thang" was the electronic machine. Right. So you can use an electronic banking system, but not a voting system. Go figure.

So I got my little sticker (yay) and as I was walking out of the library where we voted, I just felt really good. Like I'd done something important. Hooray for being an American. This place can be a real shit hole sometimes, but its a hell of a lot better than anywhere else in the world.

I told Steve that was the first time I'd ever voted, he kind of just rolled his eyes. I've tried to explain to him, how it was before. That it was just a lifestyle, where you bitch about the government but dont vote or take an active interest in your civic duty. I told him I could count on one hand how often my mom had voted, hehe. Actually, it was only once that I know of and it was for Dukakis. She hasnt voted since that election.

Anyway, I'm hoping that the winner will win by a landslide, and the loser will make a graceful exit, but I doubt that will be the case. I'll be glad when this election fiasco is over, really. I can go back to being semi normal, instead of secretly disliking people like Tito described. And one can only hope it will shut certain board personalities up, however unlikely that may be.

Happy morning to me

I started my period so I've been feeling crappy. Steve has a cold, I think I'm catching it. He stayed home from work today. I woke up when his alarm when off and asked him if he needed anything or what have you and he went into a five minute tirade about being up his ass and what does it matter anyway since I never get out bed.

Happy morning to me.

File Planet is nothing more than a fucking racket. While they've taken our money we havent gotten our Stress Test key yet.

Whatever.

I got out of bed after Steve was pissing at me, so I've been up since forever and I feel like shit. Maybe I'll go back to bed and wake up better this time.

Stupid Pita Tricks

Well, aside from the toilet and tub hopping, Pita does lots of other things to entertain us around the house.

He likes to bunny hop when he's startled. One time he was sitting on Steve's legs, and something startled him so much he hopped up and down four times in a row before jumping off Steve's legs.

Pita's favorite toy is not a mouse, its actually a plastic bag. Fake mice, he eats. Plastic bags, he plays with all night long. Most noteably at 2am. Outside our bedroom door.

Pita's second favorite toys are all of my hair ties. Hair bands, barrettes, headbands, bobby pins, you name it. It was okay before, because he'd just hide them under the bed so I knew where to look if I needed something. But lately he's taken to putting them in his water dish to ensure he keeps them.

Which brings me to his new favorite thing to do. He likes to tip his water bowl. I know he's doing it on purpose because its only half empty, with giant puddles of water on one side of the bowl.

He makes a great halloween cat atleast. He was sitting up in the sliding glass door watching all of the tricker treaters go by. All the girls were like, "AWWWW" til I told them he likes to play in the toilet.

Pita's really starting to think he's king of this castle. He sleeps in between Steve and I. Just recently I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself on the edge of the bed with Pita in between Steve and I, and Steve was on the very edge of his side of the bed as well. Pita was stretch out in between Steve and I, his head on my chest and his feet pushing at Steve like he was going to push him off the bed. I couldnt believe my eyes! He keeps getting in between Steve and I, like just earlier today we were sitting next to one another on the couch and Pita jumped up in between us and laid down.

Right now, king of the castle is snoozing on the couch, stretched out on his side like a person. He's got his feet like a person would when laying down. Cracks me up. When he sits on the bed he sits with his head facing the door and his paws tucked up under his body. The way he's got his head just makes him look all regal though.

You can say anything you want about this cat, but damn, he's got personality.

The List

When I was growing up, we had this thing called, "The List." If we needed anything that was beyond our immediate means, it went on The List. The List included everything from my braces, to brake pads for the car, to new school clothes next year. The List is a long running joke between my mother and I.

So I'm used to waiting for things. This causes a lot of frustration for Steve because I say, "I need X" and he says, "okay." Three months later I still havent purchased X and he's like, "I told you that you could buy it." Especially when he feels like its a reflection on him. Like if I'm wearing worn out, or ratty clothes it makes him feel like he's not taking good enough care of me. Or that people think he doesnt take good care of me, since I stay at home. Which is really funny because if I want something I get it. Within reason, but I get it. I rarely have to justify my purchases to him. If I'm happy, he's happy.

I guess I have this trigger inside myself that hates to spend money because I keep waiting for that emergency to come around the corner. You know, when you're broke a lot of things become emergencies, hehe because you cant afford them. Now, to know that if we get into a little fender bender, it'll be okay feels so weird. Before, I would have been having a heart attack worrying about insurance prices or fixing my car. Plus I'm still obsessively looking for sales. I've gotten a lot better but I still refuse to spend more than $10 for a regular shirt, and $20 is my limit for a nice blouse.

I told Steve I only wanted to spend about $300 tops for my wedding dress, and maybe $200 for accessories and he hit the roof. I dont think I've seen him that pissed in a long time. He went into a big long tirade about how I should get the dress I want because its my wedding and how he's working the second job to make sure we get everything we want this year and blah blah blah. It was so, opposite, too. No, Twilight Zone is better. Definitely Twighlight Zone.

Today, I resolve to put away my List and let go of that aspect of my life.

Shopping with Steve

Shopping with Steve is always an experience. We dont do it often, because we have totally different styles. I'm a slow, twice over'er that's rather fanciful in what I like (although I more often buy practically) while Steve is a little dynamo. He's in full hunter mode, "that wont work, that's too big, that wont match the wood." He's not sentimental like me.

I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house today since the only family that will be in town are his parents. Our townhouse is too small to host the holidays regularly but if its just Cris and Hank, and maybe Karen and Roger that's perfect. When I told Steve that that was my plan, he said we should go buy a new dining room table and chairs. The old ones are serviceable, but really just old and ratty. We knew we needed a new dining set but we were waiting to get a few more things straightened out.

So we went to the store with plans to buy the dining set and while we were there I saw a couple of bed sets that I liked. Right now, I dont have a headboard or foot board, just the frame, and the mattress and box spring are very old. Also, our entertainment center is pretty busted up. The drawers dont even shut right anymore and there are only two drawers anyway. Definitely not enough to house our clothing comfortable, so I often lay my night clothes on the trunk next to my bed.

We chose the dining set, just a simple light colored wooden table and matching chairs. All wood, which is important because I just cant keep up with my cats shedding on the old dining chairs. Steve suggested that we look at the bedroom sets to see if there is anything we like. So I'm like, "okay," and we go on looking around. Well, I found something I really really like. Its a sleigh bed that comes up pretty high in a beautiful wooden color. Its not too dark and not too light with an almost reddish hue. Damn. Its gorgeous. It's also a really nice price. Steve's like, "let's get it today." So we decide to get the bed, a nightstand and the tall dresser, not the wide one that goes with it.

The pragmatic in Steve demands that with a new bed, must come a new mattress. I almost died when I saw how expensive they were. They were more than the dining set and the bed together! I'm automatically gravitating towards the el cheapo mattresses which immediately torque's Steve off. He's like, "We are getting something nice, that's going to last us for 15 years. We can afford to spend a little bit more right now." It's like, I get his point but I've never had a brand new mattress in my life. Can you imagine!?

Then I notice Steve eyeballing the living room sets. He would have gotten one today (which we also need, the old ones are getting ratty and dirty) if it hadnt been for the fact that Pita still needs declawing. If Pita tore up a nice new couch, he'd be toast. He's getting away with it now because these couches are cheap ones that arent anything special.

At this point its time to total up our purchases. I dont even want to be there to know how much its going to be. It freaks me out that we can spend that much in one day, comfortably. Dont get me wrong, this wasnt cavalier in the least. We needed all this stuff, we were just postponing it. The dining set will last atleast 5 years, the bed set will last atleast 10 and the mattresses have a 15 year warranty. But still. Holy crap. The fact that we paid for all of this with cash (the cashier probably thought Steve was a drug dealer especially with his unshaven look going on) even boggles my mind more. And we still have a nice chunk of change in the savings account.

I still stumble over the idea of having nice things, I guess. I still get intimidated by Steve's money, too. Like, I dont like to think about how much he makes. I kind of put it to the back of my mind. I guess I'm still giving myself permission to be okay with all of this. Not that we're rich by any stretch of the imagination, but its definitely some huge steps up from what I used to know.

Happy Days Are Here Again!

I've decided to pick up the Mister's attitude, which is the same one that I got from Steve. Fuck em. I was still in a snit yesterday, after overhearing a conversation Amy had with Jennifer, about Cris and the cruise. I've mentioned that Cris isnt a well person anymore, and she's really scared about getting seasick and being stuck on a boat. I've tried to reassure her that they have medicine for that, and that its such a huge ship anyway that it shouldnt be a problem. And even if it was, they would remove her from the boat if it was that bad. However, yesterday I heard Amy saying to Jennifer, "Several people were sick the whole cruise, even though they took the medicine. And you know how mom is, she's just so frail." Listen, bitch, dont tell me your mom shouldnt go because it'll make yourself feel better about not going. It definitely makes me feel like she's scaring Cris into not going.

You have to understand the dynamic here. Cris is an older, filipino lady. First born sons are everything in the filipines. Whether you agree with it or not, what Steve says goes in her mind. Two weeks ago, we spoke with Cris about the wedding, and Steve said, "Mom, you arent going to get sick. They have medicine, they can remove you from the boat. You'll be fine." She was fine, after talking to Steve. I mean, like, kosher. And now she's scared again? Uh huh. Yeah. I wonder why.

However, I'm zen with that now. I dont give a fuck. I'll take care of Amy's kids, because I adore them, but nothing else for her. No more. And I certainly wont inconvenience myself or Steve to help her anymore. Fuck 'em.

Onto myself, my favorite subject. :-)

I seem to overbook myself. Like, subconciously. For weeks I wont have much going on in my life, and then bam, I book five things in one day almost to make it so I dont have to get everything done. I'm so kooky. Yesterday I was thinking what a great idea it would be to take Jennifer and Cris out to lunch. Cris always loves seeing Jenn, yadda yadda but I "forgot" that I had Anassa's party yesterday, of which I had most of the stuff but it wasnt all completed. Here I am, working out in the morning, going to the store for soda for Steve, running across the street to shower and get ready for lunch. I drove out to pick Cris up, which is no short trek. You can see the pyramids from her house, honest to God. Jenn and I get there and of course she isnt quite ready and the grand kids are hanging off her. They havent seen Jenn or me in awhile so they want to play, yadda yadda by the time we get to Chili's its already after noon. We piddle there because we're all some crazy slow eaters, and I have to drop Cris off at her house, yadda yadda we dont get home til after 2. Anyway I wont bore you guys with anymore details but it was after 6 by the time I was ready to go, and then it hit me, I'd forgotten to get the directions! Argh. No problem though, Mapquest gave me solid directions last time. I plug in and get on and lo and behold, the directions have changed and are taking me straight through Anacostia. As socially liberated as I feel, Anacostia is not a place for a white girl in a rich car to be after dark, and God forbid I break down on the road. Steve is having conniptions, when he realizes where I have to drive through and is like, freaking out. I realize dear reader that he was genuinely worried for my safety but he was ripping my head off about not having gotten the directions earlier. He's probably right but he definitely wasnt helping my mood situation any.

There I was, all dressed up and feeling pretty damn frustrated. Finally we got the direction situation done, and I went on about my way. I got to the party a little late, and only got lost twice but Anassa was very handy with alternate routes and as a bonus, I didnt have to go through Anacostia. I had an okay time, I was really just excited to see Anassa again. The people there were cool, and friendly but I just dont have much in common with lawyers, doctors, a European exchange helper, and a *gasp* lobbyist. Socially, I was still charming, but bored. It isnt that they werent saying things of substance, just they werent saying anything that struck my interest.

I left the party semi-early and got home a little after 11. The drive was really what changed my mood more than anything. It was late at night and the roads were empty by D.C. standards (meaning there were cars everywhere but they were all moving in the same direction at fast speeds) so I had the roof open and the radio cranked and I was feeling pretty damn good. Plus, I looked awesome. I know I did. I bought these stockings for my legs, you know, witchy stockings, two pairs, one orange and black striped and the other purple and black striped. I took one of each color and wore them on my legs, and I took the other two and cut holes in them for my hands and thumbs and wore them on my arms. I had on a plain black dress that was down to my calves and a knit shawl thingy so I was looking pretty witchy. A huge silver and malachite stone necklace, bitchin red lipstick and a spider and web tattoo under my eye completed the look. I looked awesome! So I'm feeling hot, hauling ass down the road (not too fast, cos I dont want a speeding ticket) with teh top down and killer music playing and I started feeling good again. I talked to the Lord, and he helped me just let it all go. It was soooo nice. :-)

Today would have been great, if I hadnt woken up with cramps. Periods suck. It was so funny, because its early this month so I wasnt expecting it but I know what it feels like. So I'm half awake, and realizing that I'm starting and I jump out of bed because I didnt want to ruin my new sheets! LOL. So its only 3:30 in the morning and Steve is all "wtf?" because I ran into the trunk on the way to the bathroom. Hahahaha.

After I crawled back into bed, I had the weirdest dream. Steve and I were living in an apartment and he decided we couldnt marry so he hooked me up with Jeff Corwin. I dont remember much else except that there was a giant claw foot tub and I didnt want to date Jeff because he was married. Weirdness.

Ups and downs

For the past almost month I've had this happy bubble wrapped around me. Between the official engagement, deciding on the wedding cruise, and joining the gym I've been the happiest I've ever been.

Today I went and had lunch with Steve's sister, Amy. Amy's okay, I guess. She does things a lot differently than I do, but I think she has a good heart. I think I've blogged about this before but let me refresh for the new peoples. Amy has this way of listening to you, that makes you think she's not really listening at all. She always stares off over your shoulder, or is looking somewhere else when you are speaking. Its really shitty when this goes on for like, the whole time you're talking. It makes me feel like she doesnt care what I'm saying, and nobody wants to feel like that.

I never feel good coming home after a lunch or outing with Amy. Like, I come home from out with Cris, Steve's mom, and I'm in a good mood. I come home from spending some time at the gym talking to the gym lady Nancy, and I'm in a fabulous mood. I even hang out with Jennifer, Steve's daughter, or Hank, Steve's dad and I feel good. But whenever I come home from spending time with Amy I feel crappy. Almost as if she's tapped into my happy zone and yanked me down to Earth. Today was no different, I crashed to Earth with a resounding thud.

I really want this wedding cruise, like really want it, but now I feel as if it just isnt going to happen. More on that later, but for now we'll get back to bitching about Amy. Amy's father in law, Harlan is dying of Colon cancer. He's terminal, although he doesnt know it yet. The doctor's dont want to tell him that because he's recovering from surgery and they dont want depression to cloud his recovery. So I'm feeling really sympathetic to Amy. If she cant do the trip because of time, resources, or money that she'd rather spend with Harlan, hey, I totally understand.

So we're at lunch today and we get the whole Harlan subject out of the way, when I broach the wedding subject. Long conversation short, Amy isnt going to our wedding because of Harlan, but because she wants to go to San Diego instead, and wants to get a boob job and to cut back on her workshops. I get the boob job. She's had a few kids and is feeling insecure. As for working extra hours, she'll work for her Au Pair, and for her boob job, and for her daughter's new bedroom set, I guess we just arent too high on her scale of priorities. I let the slide, though, because it is alot of money. I offered to pay for the kids, to take about half of the burden off them but she flat out refused. I said, "Amy, we want you there and if its money keeping you from coming, dont make it about the money. Its about your brother." Of course, that fell on deaf ears and a blank stare. Here's the biggest thing thats pissing me off, though. San Diego can wait another fucking year. This is her brother, her only brother and we arent planning on doing this again, you know? Its like, what the fuck. Its not like they dont have money to spend on every other fucking thing in the universe that they want, and thats important to them.

Shit, you know, Amy's talking about not getting the Au Pair next year and is basically expecting her dad, Hank to talk a half day one day a week to watch Nicolas every week. And she's going to lean on Tita Dory, and me to fill in the gaps and help with Savannah. When she mentioned that to me, I was like, "of course!" because thats what family does, they do for each other. I can definitely spend other ways amusing myself, but I like Nicolas and if its helping the family sure. Here she is expecting free babysitting, and she wont even postpone one measly vacation to come to my wedding? What the fuck.

She's really selfish. I could fill this blog with a lot of the bull shit she pulls on her mother but really I'll just get into the car. Cris and Hank bought a brand spanking new van several years ago, gosh maybe 7-8 years ago. After Amy and Tony had Hank and Cris move into the basement, they borrow the van constantly. I mean, not even, "Hey is it okay if I take the van today Mom?" Cris wakes up and the van is gone. Cris has Amy's car, but its the principle of the thing. Its about respect. Never mind the fact that the kids have utterly trashed the brand new van. And as clean as the inside of Amy's house is, is the anti clean of how she brings Cris's van back to her. Food inside from where the kids have dropped it, sometimes stains just from wear and tear, trash, mess, bags. They take the van up to New Jersey all the time to visit cousins. They dont even ask anymore, its like, "I'm going to New Jersey next weekend" and off they go in the van.

Of course, its not just the van, but thats where I'll stop. So I'm pretty pissed at Amy's selfishness at this point. Its not like they cant afford it, really. Its not like they dont have the time available. Its just not convenient for them. Well I'm fucking sorry I decided to marry your brother and he had a neat idea that didnt fit into your plan. Then, she went so far as to suggest that we have a ceremony here performed by our pastor after we get back so that the people who didnt get to see us married on the cruise can see us here. Its like, great idea for everybody else but not for you. I dont want to change this just for her convenience!

Guys, I know its asking a lot. But she's family. She's a sister. They grew up on a military family moving around all the time, all they had was each other. And this wedding is huge for Steve. Its a huge thing for me, too but its a marker in his life. Its a passage of time thing. A new chapter in his life, even. I hate to make it dramatic but this wedding means so much to both of us. To know that nothing is keeping Amy from coming but Amy hurts me.

On to the rest of the family. So mom's dating the felon. I keep getting these flashes inside my head of him not getting his birth certificate in time and my mom telling me that she doesnt want to leave Kevin behind. You can say its paranoia, perhaps it is, but I know my family. My mom will fuck around til the last possible second, trying to circumvent things instead of getting them fixed and then maybe this problem wont get fixed at all. If my mother doesnt come, that would be a huge blow to me, and if my mom doesnt come, who's going to watch my sister the whole time? My aunt? She's a great lady but not that great. Besides that, Judy doesnt really enjoy cruises, she's only going to see me marry which brings me to Cris and Hank.

Cris and Hank dont want to go on a cruise. They want to see Steve married and thats it. They'll go, because that's how Steve wants to be married but its not what they'd really enjoy. Same thing with Tita Dory and Al. Tita would come because Cris would make her, but they'd both be angry at the amount of money they'd have to spend to come. And Jennifer, she's so apathetic its irritating. Fucking teenagers.

It seems like the only people excited about doing this are our friends. My mom was happy for as long as it took her to realize that she might have to fucking do something like get Kevin's birth certificate. My sister is stoked but she's 9. She's easy. So its really coming down to our friends who think its a great fun idea. I want to celebrate my wedding with them but I'm faced with a big decision. Is this the right way to do things? Would it be better to just have a small ceremony here in Virigina, then have a honeymoon cruise? I'm not crazy about cruises myself. I want to do them but I dont know if it would be my first pick for a honeymoon. I was just over the moon about the idea of having our families together in a neutral arena where there are tons of other things to do and there wont be any uncomfortable silences. And to be married next to a waterfall? Wow.

But would I be happy doing the wedding cruise if my family wasnt there? I dont know. I dont think so. I also would love to do this for my friends. To have a fun place to finally meet many of them, also on a neutral ground so if we get sick of each other we can go do something else for a couple hours. And how fun would a wedding cruise be?!

Fuck my mom. Fuck his sister. Dammit. How did I not know their poison would seep into my happy balloon?

Note to self:

Dont leave a link to my blog in my profile on the guild boards.

I'm such a genius. O_o

I wish Steve had never seen this blog. I know its ridiculous because its not like I say anything bad. I just like having this to myself.

MEN!

P.S. Lilija-bean, better hide your blog. Everything comes in 3's, Tito's wifey was first, I was second.... Who's the next common denominator?