Ups and downs

For the past almost month I've had this happy bubble wrapped around me. Between the official engagement, deciding on the wedding cruise, and joining the gym I've been the happiest I've ever been.

Today I went and had lunch with Steve's sister, Amy. Amy's okay, I guess. She does things a lot differently than I do, but I think she has a good heart. I think I've blogged about this before but let me refresh for the new peoples. Amy has this way of listening to you, that makes you think she's not really listening at all. She always stares off over your shoulder, or is looking somewhere else when you are speaking. Its really shitty when this goes on for like, the whole time you're talking. It makes me feel like she doesnt care what I'm saying, and nobody wants to feel like that.

I never feel good coming home after a lunch or outing with Amy. Like, I come home from out with Cris, Steve's mom, and I'm in a good mood. I come home from spending some time at the gym talking to the gym lady Nancy, and I'm in a fabulous mood. I even hang out with Jennifer, Steve's daughter, or Hank, Steve's dad and I feel good. But whenever I come home from spending time with Amy I feel crappy. Almost as if she's tapped into my happy zone and yanked me down to Earth. Today was no different, I crashed to Earth with a resounding thud.

I really want this wedding cruise, like really want it, but now I feel as if it just isnt going to happen. More on that later, but for now we'll get back to bitching about Amy. Amy's father in law, Harlan is dying of Colon cancer. He's terminal, although he doesnt know it yet. The doctor's dont want to tell him that because he's recovering from surgery and they dont want depression to cloud his recovery. So I'm feeling really sympathetic to Amy. If she cant do the trip because of time, resources, or money that she'd rather spend with Harlan, hey, I totally understand.

So we're at lunch today and we get the whole Harlan subject out of the way, when I broach the wedding subject. Long conversation short, Amy isnt going to our wedding because of Harlan, but because she wants to go to San Diego instead, and wants to get a boob job and to cut back on her workshops. I get the boob job. She's had a few kids and is feeling insecure. As for working extra hours, she'll work for her Au Pair, and for her boob job, and for her daughter's new bedroom set, I guess we just arent too high on her scale of priorities. I let the slide, though, because it is alot of money. I offered to pay for the kids, to take about half of the burden off them but she flat out refused. I said, "Amy, we want you there and if its money keeping you from coming, dont make it about the money. Its about your brother." Of course, that fell on deaf ears and a blank stare. Here's the biggest thing thats pissing me off, though. San Diego can wait another fucking year. This is her brother, her only brother and we arent planning on doing this again, you know? Its like, what the fuck. Its not like they dont have money to spend on every other fucking thing in the universe that they want, and thats important to them.

Shit, you know, Amy's talking about not getting the Au Pair next year and is basically expecting her dad, Hank to talk a half day one day a week to watch Nicolas every week. And she's going to lean on Tita Dory, and me to fill in the gaps and help with Savannah. When she mentioned that to me, I was like, "of course!" because thats what family does, they do for each other. I can definitely spend other ways amusing myself, but I like Nicolas and if its helping the family sure. Here she is expecting free babysitting, and she wont even postpone one measly vacation to come to my wedding? What the fuck.

She's really selfish. I could fill this blog with a lot of the bull shit she pulls on her mother but really I'll just get into the car. Cris and Hank bought a brand spanking new van several years ago, gosh maybe 7-8 years ago. After Amy and Tony had Hank and Cris move into the basement, they borrow the van constantly. I mean, not even, "Hey is it okay if I take the van today Mom?" Cris wakes up and the van is gone. Cris has Amy's car, but its the principle of the thing. Its about respect. Never mind the fact that the kids have utterly trashed the brand new van. And as clean as the inside of Amy's house is, is the anti clean of how she brings Cris's van back to her. Food inside from where the kids have dropped it, sometimes stains just from wear and tear, trash, mess, bags. They take the van up to New Jersey all the time to visit cousins. They dont even ask anymore, its like, "I'm going to New Jersey next weekend" and off they go in the van.

Of course, its not just the van, but thats where I'll stop. So I'm pretty pissed at Amy's selfishness at this point. Its not like they cant afford it, really. Its not like they dont have the time available. Its just not convenient for them. Well I'm fucking sorry I decided to marry your brother and he had a neat idea that didnt fit into your plan. Then, she went so far as to suggest that we have a ceremony here performed by our pastor after we get back so that the people who didnt get to see us married on the cruise can see us here. Its like, great idea for everybody else but not for you. I dont want to change this just for her convenience!

Guys, I know its asking a lot. But she's family. She's a sister. They grew up on a military family moving around all the time, all they had was each other. And this wedding is huge for Steve. Its a huge thing for me, too but its a marker in his life. Its a passage of time thing. A new chapter in his life, even. I hate to make it dramatic but this wedding means so much to both of us. To know that nothing is keeping Amy from coming but Amy hurts me.

On to the rest of the family. So mom's dating the felon. I keep getting these flashes inside my head of him not getting his birth certificate in time and my mom telling me that she doesnt want to leave Kevin behind. You can say its paranoia, perhaps it is, but I know my family. My mom will fuck around til the last possible second, trying to circumvent things instead of getting them fixed and then maybe this problem wont get fixed at all. If my mother doesnt come, that would be a huge blow to me, and if my mom doesnt come, who's going to watch my sister the whole time? My aunt? She's a great lady but not that great. Besides that, Judy doesnt really enjoy cruises, she's only going to see me marry which brings me to Cris and Hank.

Cris and Hank dont want to go on a cruise. They want to see Steve married and thats it. They'll go, because that's how Steve wants to be married but its not what they'd really enjoy. Same thing with Tita Dory and Al. Tita would come because Cris would make her, but they'd both be angry at the amount of money they'd have to spend to come. And Jennifer, she's so apathetic its irritating. Fucking teenagers.

It seems like the only people excited about doing this are our friends. My mom was happy for as long as it took her to realize that she might have to fucking do something like get Kevin's birth certificate. My sister is stoked but she's 9. She's easy. So its really coming down to our friends who think its a great fun idea. I want to celebrate my wedding with them but I'm faced with a big decision. Is this the right way to do things? Would it be better to just have a small ceremony here in Virigina, then have a honeymoon cruise? I'm not crazy about cruises myself. I want to do them but I dont know if it would be my first pick for a honeymoon. I was just over the moon about the idea of having our families together in a neutral arena where there are tons of other things to do and there wont be any uncomfortable silences. And to be married next to a waterfall? Wow.

But would I be happy doing the wedding cruise if my family wasnt there? I dont know. I dont think so. I also would love to do this for my friends. To have a fun place to finally meet many of them, also on a neutral ground so if we get sick of each other we can go do something else for a couple hours. And how fun would a wedding cruise be?!

Fuck my mom. Fuck his sister. Dammit. How did I not know their poison would seep into my happy balloon?