Shopping with Steve

Shopping with Steve is always an experience. We dont do it often, because we have totally different styles. I'm a slow, twice over'er that's rather fanciful in what I like (although I more often buy practically) while Steve is a little dynamo. He's in full hunter mode, "that wont work, that's too big, that wont match the wood." He's not sentimental like me.

I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house today since the only family that will be in town are his parents. Our townhouse is too small to host the holidays regularly but if its just Cris and Hank, and maybe Karen and Roger that's perfect. When I told Steve that that was my plan, he said we should go buy a new dining room table and chairs. The old ones are serviceable, but really just old and ratty. We knew we needed a new dining set but we were waiting to get a few more things straightened out.

So we went to the store with plans to buy the dining set and while we were there I saw a couple of bed sets that I liked. Right now, I dont have a headboard or foot board, just the frame, and the mattress and box spring are very old. Also, our entertainment center is pretty busted up. The drawers dont even shut right anymore and there are only two drawers anyway. Definitely not enough to house our clothing comfortable, so I often lay my night clothes on the trunk next to my bed.

We chose the dining set, just a simple light colored wooden table and matching chairs. All wood, which is important because I just cant keep up with my cats shedding on the old dining chairs. Steve suggested that we look at the bedroom sets to see if there is anything we like. So I'm like, "okay," and we go on looking around. Well, I found something I really really like. Its a sleigh bed that comes up pretty high in a beautiful wooden color. Its not too dark and not too light with an almost reddish hue. Damn. Its gorgeous. It's also a really nice price. Steve's like, "let's get it today." So we decide to get the bed, a nightstand and the tall dresser, not the wide one that goes with it.

The pragmatic in Steve demands that with a new bed, must come a new mattress. I almost died when I saw how expensive they were. They were more than the dining set and the bed together! I'm automatically gravitating towards the el cheapo mattresses which immediately torque's Steve off. He's like, "We are getting something nice, that's going to last us for 15 years. We can afford to spend a little bit more right now." It's like, I get his point but I've never had a brand new mattress in my life. Can you imagine!?

Then I notice Steve eyeballing the living room sets. He would have gotten one today (which we also need, the old ones are getting ratty and dirty) if it hadnt been for the fact that Pita still needs declawing. If Pita tore up a nice new couch, he'd be toast. He's getting away with it now because these couches are cheap ones that arent anything special.

At this point its time to total up our purchases. I dont even want to be there to know how much its going to be. It freaks me out that we can spend that much in one day, comfortably. Dont get me wrong, this wasnt cavalier in the least. We needed all this stuff, we were just postponing it. The dining set will last atleast 5 years, the bed set will last atleast 10 and the mattresses have a 15 year warranty. But still. Holy crap. The fact that we paid for all of this with cash (the cashier probably thought Steve was a drug dealer especially with his unshaven look going on) even boggles my mind more. And we still have a nice chunk of change in the savings account.

I still stumble over the idea of having nice things, I guess. I still get intimidated by Steve's money, too. Like, I dont like to think about how much he makes. I kind of put it to the back of my mind. I guess I'm still giving myself permission to be okay with all of this. Not that we're rich by any stretch of the imagination, but its definitely some huge steps up from what I used to know.

Happy Days Are Here Again!

I've decided to pick up the Mister's attitude, which is the same one that I got from Steve. Fuck em. I was still in a snit yesterday, after overhearing a conversation Amy had with Jennifer, about Cris and the cruise. I've mentioned that Cris isnt a well person anymore, and she's really scared about getting seasick and being stuck on a boat. I've tried to reassure her that they have medicine for that, and that its such a huge ship anyway that it shouldnt be a problem. And even if it was, they would remove her from the boat if it was that bad. However, yesterday I heard Amy saying to Jennifer, "Several people were sick the whole cruise, even though they took the medicine. And you know how mom is, she's just so frail." Listen, bitch, dont tell me your mom shouldnt go because it'll make yourself feel better about not going. It definitely makes me feel like she's scaring Cris into not going.

You have to understand the dynamic here. Cris is an older, filipino lady. First born sons are everything in the filipines. Whether you agree with it or not, what Steve says goes in her mind. Two weeks ago, we spoke with Cris about the wedding, and Steve said, "Mom, you arent going to get sick. They have medicine, they can remove you from the boat. You'll be fine." She was fine, after talking to Steve. I mean, like, kosher. And now she's scared again? Uh huh. Yeah. I wonder why.

However, I'm zen with that now. I dont give a fuck. I'll take care of Amy's kids, because I adore them, but nothing else for her. No more. And I certainly wont inconvenience myself or Steve to help her anymore. Fuck 'em.

Onto myself, my favorite subject. :-)

I seem to overbook myself. Like, subconciously. For weeks I wont have much going on in my life, and then bam, I book five things in one day almost to make it so I dont have to get everything done. I'm so kooky. Yesterday I was thinking what a great idea it would be to take Jennifer and Cris out to lunch. Cris always loves seeing Jenn, yadda yadda but I "forgot" that I had Anassa's party yesterday, of which I had most of the stuff but it wasnt all completed. Here I am, working out in the morning, going to the store for soda for Steve, running across the street to shower and get ready for lunch. I drove out to pick Cris up, which is no short trek. You can see the pyramids from her house, honest to God. Jenn and I get there and of course she isnt quite ready and the grand kids are hanging off her. They havent seen Jenn or me in awhile so they want to play, yadda yadda by the time we get to Chili's its already after noon. We piddle there because we're all some crazy slow eaters, and I have to drop Cris off at her house, yadda yadda we dont get home til after 2. Anyway I wont bore you guys with anymore details but it was after 6 by the time I was ready to go, and then it hit me, I'd forgotten to get the directions! Argh. No problem though, Mapquest gave me solid directions last time. I plug in and get on and lo and behold, the directions have changed and are taking me straight through Anacostia. As socially liberated as I feel, Anacostia is not a place for a white girl in a rich car to be after dark, and God forbid I break down on the road. Steve is having conniptions, when he realizes where I have to drive through and is like, freaking out. I realize dear reader that he was genuinely worried for my safety but he was ripping my head off about not having gotten the directions earlier. He's probably right but he definitely wasnt helping my mood situation any.

There I was, all dressed up and feeling pretty damn frustrated. Finally we got the direction situation done, and I went on about my way. I got to the party a little late, and only got lost twice but Anassa was very handy with alternate routes and as a bonus, I didnt have to go through Anacostia. I had an okay time, I was really just excited to see Anassa again. The people there were cool, and friendly but I just dont have much in common with lawyers, doctors, a European exchange helper, and a *gasp* lobbyist. Socially, I was still charming, but bored. It isnt that they werent saying things of substance, just they werent saying anything that struck my interest.

I left the party semi-early and got home a little after 11. The drive was really what changed my mood more than anything. It was late at night and the roads were empty by D.C. standards (meaning there were cars everywhere but they were all moving in the same direction at fast speeds) so I had the roof open and the radio cranked and I was feeling pretty damn good. Plus, I looked awesome. I know I did. I bought these stockings for my legs, you know, witchy stockings, two pairs, one orange and black striped and the other purple and black striped. I took one of each color and wore them on my legs, and I took the other two and cut holes in them for my hands and thumbs and wore them on my arms. I had on a plain black dress that was down to my calves and a knit shawl thingy so I was looking pretty witchy. A huge silver and malachite stone necklace, bitchin red lipstick and a spider and web tattoo under my eye completed the look. I looked awesome! So I'm feeling hot, hauling ass down the road (not too fast, cos I dont want a speeding ticket) with teh top down and killer music playing and I started feeling good again. I talked to the Lord, and he helped me just let it all go. It was soooo nice. :-)

Today would have been great, if I hadnt woken up with cramps. Periods suck. It was so funny, because its early this month so I wasnt expecting it but I know what it feels like. So I'm half awake, and realizing that I'm starting and I jump out of bed because I didnt want to ruin my new sheets! LOL. So its only 3:30 in the morning and Steve is all "wtf?" because I ran into the trunk on the way to the bathroom. Hahahaha.

After I crawled back into bed, I had the weirdest dream. Steve and I were living in an apartment and he decided we couldnt marry so he hooked me up with Jeff Corwin. I dont remember much else except that there was a giant claw foot tub and I didnt want to date Jeff because he was married. Weirdness.

Ups and downs

For the past almost month I've had this happy bubble wrapped around me. Between the official engagement, deciding on the wedding cruise, and joining the gym I've been the happiest I've ever been.

Today I went and had lunch with Steve's sister, Amy. Amy's okay, I guess. She does things a lot differently than I do, but I think she has a good heart. I think I've blogged about this before but let me refresh for the new peoples. Amy has this way of listening to you, that makes you think she's not really listening at all. She always stares off over your shoulder, or is looking somewhere else when you are speaking. Its really shitty when this goes on for like, the whole time you're talking. It makes me feel like she doesnt care what I'm saying, and nobody wants to feel like that.

I never feel good coming home after a lunch or outing with Amy. Like, I come home from out with Cris, Steve's mom, and I'm in a good mood. I come home from spending some time at the gym talking to the gym lady Nancy, and I'm in a fabulous mood. I even hang out with Jennifer, Steve's daughter, or Hank, Steve's dad and I feel good. But whenever I come home from spending time with Amy I feel crappy. Almost as if she's tapped into my happy zone and yanked me down to Earth. Today was no different, I crashed to Earth with a resounding thud.

I really want this wedding cruise, like really want it, but now I feel as if it just isnt going to happen. More on that later, but for now we'll get back to bitching about Amy. Amy's father in law, Harlan is dying of Colon cancer. He's terminal, although he doesnt know it yet. The doctor's dont want to tell him that because he's recovering from surgery and they dont want depression to cloud his recovery. So I'm feeling really sympathetic to Amy. If she cant do the trip because of time, resources, or money that she'd rather spend with Harlan, hey, I totally understand.

So we're at lunch today and we get the whole Harlan subject out of the way, when I broach the wedding subject. Long conversation short, Amy isnt going to our wedding because of Harlan, but because she wants to go to San Diego instead, and wants to get a boob job and to cut back on her workshops. I get the boob job. She's had a few kids and is feeling insecure. As for working extra hours, she'll work for her Au Pair, and for her boob job, and for her daughter's new bedroom set, I guess we just arent too high on her scale of priorities. I let the slide, though, because it is alot of money. I offered to pay for the kids, to take about half of the burden off them but she flat out refused. I said, "Amy, we want you there and if its money keeping you from coming, dont make it about the money. Its about your brother." Of course, that fell on deaf ears and a blank stare. Here's the biggest thing thats pissing me off, though. San Diego can wait another fucking year. This is her brother, her only brother and we arent planning on doing this again, you know? Its like, what the fuck. Its not like they dont have money to spend on every other fucking thing in the universe that they want, and thats important to them.

Shit, you know, Amy's talking about not getting the Au Pair next year and is basically expecting her dad, Hank to talk a half day one day a week to watch Nicolas every week. And she's going to lean on Tita Dory, and me to fill in the gaps and help with Savannah. When she mentioned that to me, I was like, "of course!" because thats what family does, they do for each other. I can definitely spend other ways amusing myself, but I like Nicolas and if its helping the family sure. Here she is expecting free babysitting, and she wont even postpone one measly vacation to come to my wedding? What the fuck.

She's really selfish. I could fill this blog with a lot of the bull shit she pulls on her mother but really I'll just get into the car. Cris and Hank bought a brand spanking new van several years ago, gosh maybe 7-8 years ago. After Amy and Tony had Hank and Cris move into the basement, they borrow the van constantly. I mean, not even, "Hey is it okay if I take the van today Mom?" Cris wakes up and the van is gone. Cris has Amy's car, but its the principle of the thing. Its about respect. Never mind the fact that the kids have utterly trashed the brand new van. And as clean as the inside of Amy's house is, is the anti clean of how she brings Cris's van back to her. Food inside from where the kids have dropped it, sometimes stains just from wear and tear, trash, mess, bags. They take the van up to New Jersey all the time to visit cousins. They dont even ask anymore, its like, "I'm going to New Jersey next weekend" and off they go in the van.

Of course, its not just the van, but thats where I'll stop. So I'm pretty pissed at Amy's selfishness at this point. Its not like they cant afford it, really. Its not like they dont have the time available. Its just not convenient for them. Well I'm fucking sorry I decided to marry your brother and he had a neat idea that didnt fit into your plan. Then, she went so far as to suggest that we have a ceremony here performed by our pastor after we get back so that the people who didnt get to see us married on the cruise can see us here. Its like, great idea for everybody else but not for you. I dont want to change this just for her convenience!

Guys, I know its asking a lot. But she's family. She's a sister. They grew up on a military family moving around all the time, all they had was each other. And this wedding is huge for Steve. Its a huge thing for me, too but its a marker in his life. Its a passage of time thing. A new chapter in his life, even. I hate to make it dramatic but this wedding means so much to both of us. To know that nothing is keeping Amy from coming but Amy hurts me.

On to the rest of the family. So mom's dating the felon. I keep getting these flashes inside my head of him not getting his birth certificate in time and my mom telling me that she doesnt want to leave Kevin behind. You can say its paranoia, perhaps it is, but I know my family. My mom will fuck around til the last possible second, trying to circumvent things instead of getting them fixed and then maybe this problem wont get fixed at all. If my mother doesnt come, that would be a huge blow to me, and if my mom doesnt come, who's going to watch my sister the whole time? My aunt? She's a great lady but not that great. Besides that, Judy doesnt really enjoy cruises, she's only going to see me marry which brings me to Cris and Hank.

Cris and Hank dont want to go on a cruise. They want to see Steve married and thats it. They'll go, because that's how Steve wants to be married but its not what they'd really enjoy. Same thing with Tita Dory and Al. Tita would come because Cris would make her, but they'd both be angry at the amount of money they'd have to spend to come. And Jennifer, she's so apathetic its irritating. Fucking teenagers.

It seems like the only people excited about doing this are our friends. My mom was happy for as long as it took her to realize that she might have to fucking do something like get Kevin's birth certificate. My sister is stoked but she's 9. She's easy. So its really coming down to our friends who think its a great fun idea. I want to celebrate my wedding with them but I'm faced with a big decision. Is this the right way to do things? Would it be better to just have a small ceremony here in Virigina, then have a honeymoon cruise? I'm not crazy about cruises myself. I want to do them but I dont know if it would be my first pick for a honeymoon. I was just over the moon about the idea of having our families together in a neutral arena where there are tons of other things to do and there wont be any uncomfortable silences. And to be married next to a waterfall? Wow.

But would I be happy doing the wedding cruise if my family wasnt there? I dont know. I dont think so. I also would love to do this for my friends. To have a fun place to finally meet many of them, also on a neutral ground so if we get sick of each other we can go do something else for a couple hours. And how fun would a wedding cruise be?!

Fuck my mom. Fuck his sister. Dammit. How did I not know their poison would seep into my happy balloon?

Note to self:

Dont leave a link to my blog in my profile on the guild boards.

I'm such a genius. O_o

I wish Steve had never seen this blog. I know its ridiculous because its not like I say anything bad. I just like having this to myself.

MEN!

P.S. Lilija-bean, better hide your blog. Everything comes in 3's, Tito's wifey was first, I was second.... Who's the next common denominator?

Whats a nice way of saying?

Whats a nice way of saying, "Honey I know you're giving me the wedding and honeymoon of my dreams, and thank you for the new gym membership and personal training whenever I want it, thanks for taking care of my fillings and wisdom teeth, oh and by the way can I have a $300 MP3 player plus the armband and enough money to keep ITunes running for a month?"

I want an MP3 player something fierce, so I can listen to music I like while working out. Unfortunately, we've spent a lot on everything else, not to mention Steve kept his boat in storage this past year rather than putting it in the water to save money. But I'm dying for an MP3 player. I havent wanted any gadgets, ever. All I ask is that my PCs are in good working condition. This is different. This is something I'm excited about.

But I cant say anything. :-(

Maybe I'll do some stuff on the side and buy it for my christmas present. What to do, what to do.

Torture devices are still alive today!

And they're all at gyms.

I had an appointment with my gym lady today, she showed me all the weight machines and stuff and set me on a weight program. Two days a week, for the next month. Some of these things are unGodly uncomfortable. Side note, if you think you want big boobs, you dont. I have DD's and they get in the way with everything I want to do, even extending into my wardrobe. Button down shirts? Forget it. There were a couple that had you laying down on your stomach, and others had you leaning on your chest. On the bright side there were several things where I felt the muscles that I really want to work immediately after, so I'm excited about that. I am going to be a buff bride.

Still, it was good and when I was done I was sooo happy. The gym lady was very encouraging, and helpful. She said I was a natural at picking up what she was doing. Its nice to get a compliment from an outside source. After the weights I did my cardio, and by the time I was walking home, I was all but stumbling across the street. And guess what? I LOVE IT! Ha.

GO ME.

Damn you Lilija-bean!

I had a dream about my ex last night. It didnt scare me in the dream but when I woke up, I was like, "wtf was that all about?"

The only part I remember is that we were dating again, and I was supposed to be there with him. We were at a water park, staying for the weekend or something and were walking around trying to find something or someone maybe. He was dragging me with him, and he walked through the water slide. Like, he reached out and touched the water temperature, shrugged, and started walking across it. Well, we ran out of slide to walk across and had to go in the water and swim. I remember it being very cold out of the water too, and thinking how strange that he would go swimming like that. He was always so particular about things, and he never seemed to want to get his head wet unless he was showering.

Weirdness.

There's only two reasons I would be thinking about him now that I can think of. One, Lilijabean's dream blog did get me wondering about him again. How he was doing, that kind of thing. And two, I just started talking to a friend of mine from when I used to date my ex and have been considering asking my friend if he knows how my ex is doing.

Today is a great day

I had an awesome work out. Usually I start too hard too fast and I get really worn out. This time I took my time, going at a good pace and gradually going faster til by the end I was pushing it really hard. Man. It was the perfect amount of sweat. The perfect amount pain.

I feel damn sexy and I know that's not the case, with these ratty work out clothes and sweaty face. Who cares. I'm fucking hot.

STOP WITH THE QUIZZES!!

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How scary are you?

So sad, and yet so true.

I know what almost 90% of these are talking about, and have experienced at least half of them:

You Know You're From Philadelphia When...

You punctuate every sentence with, "You know" at least twice. You want olive oil, not mayonnaise on your "hoagie". You hate the Redskins You hate Dallas. You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice". You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking long-distance to family members. You know how to spell Schuylkill. You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME". You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain. You find youself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?" You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens. You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is. You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz. You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone "jimmies". You don't think Wawa sounds funny. You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll. Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block. You know who Jim O'Brien is and how he died. You can't imagine lunch without a Tastycake. You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli. A vacation at the Jersey shore (pronounced "Down the shoore") is better than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.) You know where to find the Rocky statue. You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks. You only go if you're drunk and it's 3:00 a.m. You can make a cheese steak and you've never been taught You've never been to the Liberty Bell, or the only time you were there was on a class trip in third grade. You know what and where "Boathouse Row" is You will buy a pretzel from anyone, anywhere without even thinking of where it was - or where his hands have been. You can't imagine a breakfast without scrapple. You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE. You aren't a bandwagon Sixers fan…you loved them when they sucked, and before they had A.I. You go to The Gallery or South Street in the summer time just to chill. You have the pizza place on speed dial. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Philadelphia.

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You Know You're From Florida When...

You use "fix" as a verb in this context: "I am fixing to go to the store". You know what "cow tipping" is. You find 100 degrees F "a little warm." You know the four seasons as: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of the brand or flavor. You own at least five pairs of flip flops You know someone who's been struck by lightning You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators Your backyard is sometimes a swamp You're officially sick of Disney You shrug off hurricane warnings You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos There are only two seasons - hot and hotter You've drank a flaming alligator. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Florida.

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Ok this is creepy

Stop it, Lilijabean!!!

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Wedding Blues

Well, not really but I thought it was a good title.

So, to go to Jamaica, you need to prove your citizenship. The most convenient way to do this for the average America is to use a birth certificate and a driver's license.

Of course, my mother has to date a felon who doesnt have a birth certificate. She says that he was born at home, and was therefore never issued one. When I questioned her about what the schools did, because even 40 years ago they required a birth certificate, she replied that he went to a private Christian school that his mother taught in.

Well then how did he get a legal Florida driver's license? What substitute did they accept at that time? How did he get married, or even get a marriage certificate? She keeps dancing around this, saying that things were different and he cant get a birth certificate issued this long after.

Great mom. You go with your felon. I dunno, it just seems shady. I dont buy it.

Anywho, its not raining on my parade because I wont be heartbroken if he isnt there. That probably sounds callous, but welcome to the real me. My mom was kinda fishing, to see my reaction, if he couldnt get his birth certificate. I just was all supportive, "Dont worry mom we have plenty of time to take care of it." So she dropped that avenue.

Outback Steakhouse

So yesterday I was being very good about what I ate. For breakfast I had small portions of everything, and cut back the amount of sugar in my coffee and even used some Equal! For lunch I had a 6" chicken sub from Subway, and instead of chips and a drink I just got a drink. But at dinner I blew it. :-(

Steve wanted cheese fries, but not just any cheese fries. They had to be Outback's Cheese friends. Well there's only one thing I really want when I go there, the fried coconut shrimp. So I got that and a small side salad and a half a loaf of their bread. Steve reach over to try and steal a shrimp and I stabbed him with my fork. The shrimp really wouldnt be that bad except is fried in a coconut batter, and it comes with marmalade to dip it in. There was nothing left, dear readers. Nothing. I inhaled everything on my plate, and even some of Steve's fries. :-D

I was livin large, and it was good. :-p

World of Warcraft guild site is up

We decided on The Burning Hand of Azeroth for the Alliance, and The Burning Hand of Kalimdor for the Horde.

I think the tag line for the Alliance will be, "Shadows fighting for the Light." Or something equally geeky.

I'm so excited. This time I'm doing a lot more with the forums, too. Last time I was content to let Steve set it up. Not this time. This one is going to be my baby.

I'm totally excited about starting a new guild too. I love running a guild. I think its an inborn trait for me. In City of Heroes I became a leader simply because people thought I was. I wasnt looking for that kind of position, but it was always, "Ask Ally." Hehe. Oh well. I can deal with that.

Good deed for the day:

I got that worthless pos Zamiel banned on ACF. Rather, he got himself banned, I just brought it to the attention of a mod.

Gem of wisdom #1

Gem of wisdom #2

What a pos. He's exactly the type to never speak his mind in public, too, rather just be a board dickhead. Thats fine. Have a nice nap, asswipe!

Dead Like Me

I fucking love this show. Its fucking brilliant. Plus, it says fuck a lot. A LOT!

Brief background:

The show is about Reapers, people who've died but stay on Earth to help make souls ready to leave the body when they are about to die. Reapers dont have a free ride, though. They have a new body and face, although it sticks close to the original so no men waking up in the bodies of women. Reapers also have a real life, one that involves bills, and jobs and stuff that they must mesh with their reaping.

A Reaper reaps by touching someones soul, and then they wait for the person to die. When a person is about to die, you see a graveling, which looks like a CGI imp thing, start moving around. A lot of times the gravelings cause accidents, like loosening a sign so that it falls on a person's head at the right moment. Or, by loosening the lock on a bears cage so that it gets out and mauls people. The deaths arent all accidents, though, there have been a few murders although not many.

Dead Like Me is an ensemble cast, but the main story is around George, who died at 18 in a bad Soveit-era toilet seat incident and is basically coming to grips with dying, reaping, and living again. To make a living, she goes back to the place where she worked before she died, and gets hired to take her old position. Her family is also frequently on the show, especially her little sister. George's sister Reggie was only 11 when George died, and began stealing toilet seats as a way to deal with George's death. Since then, she and her own story have evolved. It's pretty cool.

The other main cast members are all Reapers, Mason, Daisy, Roxy, and Rube. Rube is like, the manager of this circle of Reapers. He hands out the post-its with the reaps on them, and acts somewhat paternal towards George. Roxy is a tough lady, whose job in the real world is a police officer. Daisy is deeply religious, and slightly devious. She's used to lying, I think and is trying to pursue an acting career.

Of all the other cast members, Mason is my favorite. He's an adorable, physically harmless, petty theif. He does not have a job, his MO to pay the rent is to raid phonebooths, parking meters, and laundromats for quarters or borrow money. He's selfish, callous, and he drinks, a lot. Almost as much as he says "fuck." He's got the hots for Daisy but knows he isnt in her league.

You dont know too much about the other reaper's pasts, but a little bit is revealed every season.

The last episode that I watched was effing brilliant. The comedic timing was perfect, although I should warn you the comedy is kind of, quirky, and off the beaten path. You need to be able to have a sense of humor about death to watch this show. As an example, one of George's reaps was for a homeless person who was barbecuing a squirrel on a skewer over a barrel. Along comes a graveling who causes mischief in such a way that the homeless person is impaled by his squirrel skewer.

I just want to talk about the latest episode called Last Call, then I'll shut up.

In the episodes leading up to this one, Daisy starts dating this living guy (which a reaper is not supposed to do) who everyone else quickly realizes is a scumbag. She finally gets smart and ditches him, but he follows her to her house and begins attacking her, where in self defense Mason kills him. They didnt get a post-it for his death, nobody reaped him, and instead of a soul popping out, a graveling does!

So the episode I'm speaking of is the day after Mason kills Daisy's exboyfriend thing and Daisy is fairly calm about it although its obvious she's been drinking. Mason, who has no conscience for just about anything is feeling all kinds of guilt and fear about what's going to happen. It's obvious he's never handled guilt before, so he cant hide it worth a damn. Plus they're both worried about what the powers that be will say. They kind of hint that they are being watched by some type of superiors although they dont know who, how, etc. They're really worried about the repercussions of taking a life they weren't meant to reap.

The episode starts in the restaraunt they all meet at, with Mason and Daisy getting there first. Daisy says she's just going to tell everyone that she broke up with the ex, and that'll be that but Mason comes up with some elaborate excuse that he went bowling all weekend. Rube notices Mason acting funny but doesnt say anything because Mason is always acting funny. Roxy notices too, and doesnt say anything. Rube passes out the post-it notes for everybody's reap and all of them are yellow post-its, as usual, except for Mason's. His is purple. He starts freaking out but before he can question Rube, Rube leaves the restaraunt.

Mason is so freaked out about the purple post-it, and he pulls their regular waitress aside to have her tell his fortune. He's heard through the grapevine she's psychic but she refuses to read his fortune. He says to her, "Please, I'll pay you $10" as he's reaching into his pockets. And she replies, "No, you've only got $2 anyway." As soon as she ends the sentence, Mason pulls two one dollar bills out of his pockets. He asks her again, and she refuses again, saying while she's walking away, "Besides, when people are about to die, they see a crescent moon in the daytime. Look at all those clouds out there, I'm sure you'll be fine." Mason looks out, sees the clouds are out and breaths a sigh of relief, which quickly turns into horror as he looks down at his half eaten breakfast. The cookie he was eating is the shape of a crescent moon. After this, Mason spends the rest of the day thinking this is going to be his last day on Earth reaping before moving on. He sells all of his worldly posessions on someone else's lawn, hoping to make some cash out of the things he'll be leaving behind. We find out why he wants the money a bit later.

Daisy is at home, drinking alone, when Roxy comes to her door on official police business to ask about Daisy's exboyfriend. Roxy realizes that Mason and Daisy know what happened to Daisy's ex, and her police experience tell her that Daisy's ex isnt alive, but she doesnt push Daisy and leaves after a few minutes. Roxy heads over to the restaraunt and is reading over the file on Daisy's ex. Its clear she's struggling over whether to tell Rube what she knows or not when the waitress that Mason spoke with earlier comes over and makes the comment that Mason had done something obscene to his breakfast earlier, and again, while walking away the waitress says, "Well, anyway, you cant pick your family." Roxy nods, closes the file, and doesnt say anything to Rube.

After selling everything, Mason buys an engagement ring for Daisy, because earlier that day she said she always wanted one while she was alive. Its sad, because you can see she isnt the person who would've loved to have a ring anymore and Mason is hardly husband material. He wasnt asking her to marry him anyway, but it was so sad. Mason leaves to go on his reap.

Mason is all into the, "what would you do if you knew it was your last day on earth," bit, and he starts asking his reap all of these questions. The reap is a middle aged man, but definitely healthy with outdoorsy muscles. He's camping, so he's got a fire started and all of the camping equipment you'd expect. And the reap is really friendly. He is really nice to Mason, offering him food, saying that the second rule of camping is to bring enough for a friend, and the first rule is to make a friend. So Mason, all on this dramatic streak, starts asking the reap what he would do if it he knew it was his last day on earth, and what he was most scared of.

At first, the reap kind of laughs it off, but Mason doesnt let it drop, so the reap picks up an axe and asks Mason to explain himself, which is so ridiculous, because Mason is like, half the size of the reap. The reap could snap Mason in half wihtout batting an eyelash. Mason pours his heart out to to this guy, showing him the post-it and everything, saying that it was Mason's last day on earth too. Eventually, the reap kind of gets it, and starts asking questions about his own death. It was just a really really cool conversation. Thought provoking, but not preachy like some shows. I love CSI but they get on their soap box, turns me off. DLM asks questions but lets yourself answer them.

So the reap dies as he was meant too, and Mason fully expects to go with him but doesnt. Later that night, at the restaraunt, Mason gets the chance to ask Rube what the purple post-it was about. Rube simply replies, "Office Depot was out of yellow." Everyone leaves again, til it was just George and Mason. Mason says, "Georgie, can you buy my coffee. I'm out of cash."

"Okay," she says.

"Georgie, I need a place to stay, too."

"Okay," she says.

"Georgie, I dont know when I can move out."

"Okay," she says.

And just like that you realize that they are a family. It was so neat.

I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Pita Update

I havent done one of these in awhile, and I still cant find my camera, dammit.

Pita is now almost 5 months old. I took him to the vet, thinking he was a she, but it turns out, he is a he. Who knew? He's close to full grown, and he's going to be a long kitty. One of the ones that you wonder where they put all of the rest of themselves when they stretch out and you really see how long they are.

The last I wrote, I think I mentioned his shower fetish but that was on the old blog in August. Well he still sits between the shower curtain and liner, and jumps in to play by the drain when you are finished. I've been more careful about letting him near the litter when he's wet, as I've learned my lesson after the third wet scoopable litter incident and had to vacuum the entire house and clean the walls where he flung it off his tail. More recently he's been somewhat sedate, preferring to stay in the sink rather than play in the toilet. Oh, I didnt mention the toilet incident? How could I be so forgetful. Maybe because I dont want to remember?

Long story short, Pita finally got long enough to reach in and play with the toilet water without falling in. It didnt occur to me til after the third time I picked him up and his paws were wet even though none of us had taken showers, when I realized he hadnt come upstairs from the tub, but instead walked out of the downstairs bathroom. The sink was bone dry, leaving only one other option. The toilet. I got everyone on the program of leaving the lid down, as nobody wants kitty toilet paws on them. The extent of his love of the toilet became obvious to me when after several days of closed lids and shut bathroom doors, I went into use the restroom before taking a shower. He followed me in, as he always does, but as soon as I raised the lid to use the toilet myself, he jumped on the seat and in one constant motion started forward to stick his paw in the water. Horrified, I snatched him up, and threw him down only to have him immediately jump back up on the seat. This time, I held him as I turned around and sat on the toilet, only letting him down when I was certain my behind was covering the entire toilet seat. He still managed to find some room to jump back up behind me trying to get at the toilet before I shoved him off again.

We've been leaving the sliding glass door open, to get some cool, fresh air in the house. Pita has graduated from climbing curtains, and moved onto the screen. Yes, he wants a mountain climber degree. Thats okay, as I'm working on my Kitty Ass Whooping degree. We'll be even, someday.

He's been calming down enough that we can leave him in the bedroom with us at night. Everything goes well, until he moves from the foot of the bed, up to in between Steve and I's heads. Since he likes Steve a lot, he graces Steve with his little kitty nose on the crook of Steve's neck. Me, yeah, the one who cleans up the litter box and feeds and waters him, and lets him take showers with me, yeah I get a face full of kitty ass. The little bastard always does this right when I'm half awake, half asleep too. His only saving grace is that he hasnt farted while in this position.

Then there was what I've dubbed, the Vase Incident. Steve has a lot of beautiful, authentic, and old Japanese stuff. He was born in Japan 35 years ago, and his mom like, bought half of the country to commemorate the event. Hehe, I kid but there is a lot of priceless, Japanese stuff that she bought while over there to give to him when he became an adult. He still has all of it, from a tea set to two dolls, a 6ft Jade Divider, two vases, to a sword and cabinets. All of these things are displayed, and protected if possible. The vases are floor vases, that stand about 30" high off the ground. Pita, in all of his youthful wisdom, jumps up on one of the vases and is stretching there, trying to reach at something. My heart is in my throat, the word "irreplaceable" is screaming through my skull, and all I can say is "NOOOOO!" He jumps down, and literally, the vase does the circular weeble teeter before finally reseating itself on the ground. But I died of a heart attack already. That's Pita's mission in life, to kill me from a heart attack.

Other than that, he's still digging at the plants ocassionaly. Quite the gardener he is. He has discovered a tear in the bottom of the box spring cover, and likes to climb under the box spring like a moron. He'll learn, when he loses a paw or an eye, dammit.

Yeah, enough about Pita. My blood pressure is skyrocketing. But, in case you were wondering, he's still alive.

Breakfast at IHOP

So we got up early and went out to breakfast together. IHOP was pretty empty, and the waitress rocked. She got everything right, the food came out on time, and she prebussed the table. Plus, the food was actually good. I dont have high expectations from places like IHOP and Denny's, so I was quite impressed.

Steve and Jennifer were relaxed and happy, and so was I to a certain extent. There were these two cretins in the back of the restaraunt, saying things that just got my back up. I didnt catch everything they said, but enough of it that made me realize these were the scumbags you warn your daughters about. There were two of them, and it became quite obvious that the older guy was trying to sell the younger guy on something, as he was doing most of the talking.

The first thing I heard from them was, "..all night long you've been saying..." which lets me know that they've been out all night. Okay, who cares. The next thing I heard was, "She definitely wasn't wearing any Walmart shit. So you gotta think, 40 women a night, they each buy $100 of clothes. That's 4k in one night, and half of that is pure profit." Yep, gotta love those get rich quick schemers. Maybe the text doesnt carry it entirely, but having heard them, I know exactly what the older one was up too. I've seen his type a hundred times over on the midnight shift at Denny's.

So I kinda tune them out, but about halfway through breakfast I hear something that makes me semi interested again. I hear the older guy start talking about some woman, how he was trying to get her pants off by saying they should take it slow before they hop in the sack. Basically, preying on a lonely woman, feeding her everything she needs to hear to open up, and using her for sex. I hope Jennifer was paying attention there, because I've always told her that guys her age will say anything to get in her pants, and they dont always grow out of it. This guy was a world class sleaze bag, and it made me appreciate how precious my relationship with Steve is. I could have wound up with a user like that, seriously.

The more I listened to the older one's side of the conversation, the more it reminded me of my first love. It was like having a voice recording of the things that were rolling through his head. My ex was an amazing salesman, charming, handsome, mysterious but with a really warped value of human life or emotion. He was solely out for himself, he didnt care what he did as long as he didnt get damaged along the way. Part of that was survival, but the larger part was something else.

I've been lamenting my early evenings, silently rebelling against being so good, or doing the right thing, anguishing over appearing wholesome, even Cleaver-ish. But I would take this lifestyle over those assholes anyday.

Monkeys make me smile

Which monkey are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel

You know your mind and don't take any bull. At your heart you are cynical, sarcastic and unique... and prone to pessimism. Don't shut out other people. Don't drown out what you don't want to hear with your own talk. Listen.

Absurdity at its finest

I went into the gym to do my treadmill and I was in there before anyone else really. The news was on the TV in front of the treadmill, so I switched it to MADTV on Comedy Central. Along comes these two older women, one white and one african american. As soon as they start on their machines, this terrrrrrible skit came on. It was a parody of the Nutty Professor's family I think but they were making all of these jokes about black stereotypes. I didnt really find it funny and I felt even worse that this other lady was back there.

Luckily I was saved by the Cardio class that started shortly after that skit, blasting out some crazy rap music. I look out onto the class, and it was being lead by an older woman, maybe in her 50s, and her class was made up of women 30 and over. And there they were jamming out to Eminem. HAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant.

Ceremony Site Photos

I've been trying to get ceremony site photos from my travel agent for almost two weeks. For whatever reason, she just wasnt getting it. So I went straight to Carnival on Tuesday, calling the wedding people. I specifically asked for photos of the Ocho Rios wedding site, and the woman on the phone said she'd send them to me. I wanted them mailed, so I could show them to family.

I got the packet in the mail yesterday, and opened it excitedly, only to find the same shit my travel agent has been sending me, and what I've found on the internet. Absolutely no photos of ceremony sites at all. Dammit, that pissed me off. I was very specific on the phone with the woman from Carnival.

So I called them up, raising hell. Its ridiculous that I'm having this much trouble getting photos of the ceremony site. This was the LAST THING I NEEDED TO SEE to make my final decision. The woman immediately emailed me photos. I was like, "why the fuck didnt we do this in the first place?" I still want them mailed to me, so I can show the family but damn.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the photos:

This is the actual ceremony site. We get married right next to the waterfall.


The gazebo is where we have a little cake, and a champagne toast. If you look, in the picture you can see the cake.


I'm happy. I think everything is beautiful. The only thing I dont care for is the railing, but I can deal with that. I mean, look at everything else, its stunning.

I'm so happy. :-)

Treadmill for the win!

So I went to the gym today for my appointment with my trainer person. I got weighed and measured (eep!), then she showed me the equipment and had me walk on the treadmill. I love the treadmill, and it so neat because you can program an entire walk. Anyway so she warned me when I got off the treadmill that I would feel like I was floating and I did. That was soooo neat. I felt like I was zooming on a magic carpet. I cant wait to get back on. :-D

Good Times!

I was reading something the other day and the more I read it, the more I thought, "that's me and Lilija (Spider Queen)." So today, I was so happy that I decided to tell Lilija how I felt. Here is part of our log which was edited for clarity:

allerielle: I was reading something
allerielle: and it really made me think of us
allerielle: so
allerielle: Lilija, you are a planet.
Lilija: oh c'mon, I lost like 40 lbs
allerielle: No silly
Lilija: hehe
allerielle: you are a planet
sisdeth13: I know
allerielle: and
allerielle: i'm a planet
Lilija: ok...
allerielle: and do you know what happens when planets collide?
Lilija: um, dust and gas explosions?
allerielle: they make a whole new universe
Lilija: baby planets?
Lilija: planetoids?
Lilija: ohyeah
Lilija: rawwk
allerielle: we're a whole new universe
Liilja: ok, we're a whole new universe, I like that, and I can see what you mean
allerielle: isnt it great?
Lilija: It really is
allerielle: but it totally makes sense
Lilija: Like, in this sense is how I get it
Lilija: you're your own person, with this whole evolved ecosystem, I mean shit, you were a monarch in AC. You're not some noob, hanger on, you have this whole great established thing going.
Lilija: Right
Lilija: on the boards, online, just in general
Lilija: and, me too. Not monarchy-standards, I guess, but I have my own brand of infamy and my own little social ecosystem, going
allerielle: yeah!
allerielle: and we have our own way of going about things
Lilija: yeah, I was gonna say next, that it all extends to rl even
allerielle: yep
Lilija: you have your whole established State of Being, like I do
Lilija: and, somehow, we can mix, and meld well, socially, State of Being wise, and it's this great whole thing
allerielle: YES
allerielle: you get it!
allerielle: thats
allerielle: orgasmic
Lilija: and, NOW, that I'm all fired up about WoW, right...we have this totally fresh place to plant the seeds of our new universe
Lilija: the possibilites are endless
allerielle: YES
Lilija: at least, online.
allerielle: its like
allerielle: lilija and ally world
Lilija: Seriously!
Lilija: Exactly!

I tried to say that she was my long lost sister but she shot that down. Damn. :-( We were definitely meant to meet though. Imagine that, 4 states away and we found each other. That's so great. :-)

I'm stealing from her Blog, because she says it better than I ever could. Whenever I try to expound on things I sorta tangent. So here is exactly what I feel, in her words:

I'm not sure why, but that all made me feel pretty good about things in general. It's just a cool feeling, I guess. Just 'getting it'. It's this whole deep understanding thing. It transcends cliques, and online-ness. It goes past basic social interaction. Seriously, it has to manifest itself online, because we live pretty far apart, but if we were neighbors, we could take over the world, I think. .....


......But, Ally was talking planets, it goes past gaming. Ally has Ally's way of being, and she's doing well in her life, and I've got my own (I guess I'm doing well, I'm alive at least, and reasonably healthy) and we're not trying to compete or clone, or outdo each other. She's in her place, I'm in mine, we can learn a lot from each other, and share ideas happily, with no motives or strangeness. It's this total symbiosis. We have fun, joking, friendly competition, but it's healthy, not weird.


That's so what I was saying, only explained. I dont feel the need to compete, or imitate her. I enjoy sharing myself with her, because I know she gets me. We've been through a lot of similar experiences, but I respect our differences. I love that we're different and it makes our friendship so much more special because we arent trying to change the other. Nothing is forced, we just let it be, and let it grow. As far as online friendships go, our friendship is like, perfect. If we did live next door to each other, we probably would conquer the world.

The Meaning of Life, According to Allerielle

Clean up after your dog's shit. This falls under consideration to your fellow man. I'll expound upon this a bit, because I feel it needs to be explained.

Nothing is worse than being woken up at 8a.m. by the sound of the landscapers lawnmower. The only consolation I get here is the smell of fresh cut grass, except because of certain inconsiderate people that live on my block I get hit with a wave of fresh cut dog shit. This brings me back to my youth, when I would play the "roll down the hill" game and land in a pile of dog shit. Clean up after your dog, there is no excuse to leave a mess on public property.

And how about when you miss your turn lane and block traffic trying to get over instead of following traffic and turning around? Falling under consideration to your fellow man, this is guarenteed to get my blood pressure up. Nothing says "I'm a jackass" more than holding up traffic because of your sorry mistake. At 2am, nobody around, who gives a fuck? But at 6pm when everybody is trying to get home just like you, holding up traffic because if your stupidity isnt kosher. Turn around, there's no excuse.

No matter what anyone says, manners are important. Its politeness, its a show of basic respect that we have for every human being. It doesnt mean that every person should be revered, or held in awe, but a general, "we're all on this planet together" respect would suffice. "Yes sir," "yes ma'am," "have a nice day," an opening smile, an opened door, all of that adds up to a better place to be.

Everybody always says we're here to learn. That's true, but as much as we're here to learn, we're here to teach. And we teach by example. So keep that in mind the next time you want to go off on a salesperson because you've had a bad day, or treat someone like they're an idiot (even if they are).

I used to think that what goes around comes around, and I still do to a certain extent. I think this is a better way to say it: "What you do now, will live on after you."

Gym, Cookie crumbles, and the meaning of life.

I started a new gym on Monday. I've wanted to go to this one for awhile but once Steve proposed we wanted to be as stable as possible before I entered a contract. Well, I finally got to join and I'm loving it! So far I've had classes every day that I've really enjoyed. They have three kinds of Yoga, Belly Dancing (which will be my reward classes), Cardio Kickboxing crap, Step Classes, Afro-Brazilian Dance classes, Body Sculpting with free weights, Pilates, Hips Abs and Thighs sculpting classes. They have such a neat variety, I cant wait to go back for more, hehe. I'm really sore right now, so even though I'm all enthusiastic about trying all of these classes I think I need to slow down a bit. Two in one day is just a bit much. :-p I do want to keep a log of how much weight I've lost, so probably once a month I'll post what I've lost here. :-D

Cookie crumbs... MmmmMmmMMMmmMMm I made Opti some cookies and brownies to send to him. I know he's stuck out in BFE and maybe some home cooking will make him feel better. I was in a baking frenzy, though. I made cookies, brownies, a pumpkin pie, a corn bread. I dont know what got into me. But afterwards, I only had one cookie and one little slice of brownie, instead of the whole batch. And those cookies and brownies were freaking good. :x

Well, I still dont know the meaning of life but I'm discovering parts of it. Like, consideration for your fellow man and that as much as we're here to learn, we're here to teach. This deserves its own blog.

Drama

So I used to play Asheron's Call on the Winter's Ebb server, a long long time ago in a land far far away. Once upon a time, in said land, there became a vigilante who was so against Unattended Combat Macroing that she began harassing everyone she came across. Fast forward to present day and there I am, trolling the Winter's Ebb VN Boards from time to time and I see a post from an old friend who was finally so fed up with this person's tactics, that she and her guild took a stand. I posted on the thread, stating that I agreed with my friends stance and the measures she was taking. I get two PMs, one from the harasser and one from my friend a few days later. After the harasser sent the PM I went to her website to ask her nicely not to send me anymore PMs. I dont even play the game anymore for cripes sake. I go back to check my thread and see if the harasser replied. She deleted my thread. I posted again not to PM me with information and left for good. A few days later, my friend who started the original thread on VN PMs me. Apparently the harasser has put me up on her website saying, "Allerielle - does not play AC / hates my "fame" but was a friend before - strange " It kind of irritates me that I'm even near her name, but anyway. I've wasted too much time on her already. All I have to say is that I dont give a rats ass about her fame, its not even fame its infamy and her name is a joke in AC circles. I never liked her to begin with, my momma raised me to be polite and I was working on kharma points. I'll end this by saying that she reminds me of Oliver Cromwell.

Wasted Time

I managed to piss away a morning like nobody's business. I told myself that I'd get off the computer at 9a.m.. Then at 9:30, then at 10, now it's 10:41. I spent all morning fiddlefucking with this damn blog, tweaking it until I finally figured out that I cant color the text the way I want too. In between I messed around with Yahoo's Launch, listening to all kinds of music.

They have a pretty large variety, more than I expected but they dont always have the song I want to hear, even though it was released and fairly popular. My newest favorite is Trace Adkin's Rough and Ready.

Man. I still have so much shit to do. Vacuum, dishes, mopping, toilet and litterbox cleaning, laundry, and I still have to go out to WalMart to return and buy some stuff. I dont WANNA!!!

Funny Cartoon

Evil Twin


Haha I wish I could use that excuse. It might actually work if Lilija lived closer, hehehe.

Me-ness

HI2U

I am Bridezilla

Its so weird. I never thought I'd get a nice wedding, you know. I always thought I'd be married by the Justice of the Peace downtown and have my reception in Denny's. But here I am, a lucky bride-to-be that gets to have her wedding while on a cruise. I'm buying a beautiful dress, choosing tropical flowers, and I'm getting a nice cake. That's all I really want anyway, everything else is just bonus. Plus, I'll be surrounded by my family in a place I never thought I'd get to be married at in a million years. How awesome is that!?

To get this wedding, I'm doing a lot of research, and getting as much information as possible so I can pass it out to the family. One person is concerned about how close they'll be to the engines, another person is concerned about the medical facilities on board. Yet another is wondering about what type of attire to bring. Its not hard, just a lot of information I wouldnt have thought of in a million years but whenever I get down to finding the information I get downright giddy. Its so awesome to feel that way, like I could giggle for an hour straight. =p

So here I am, under a mountain of cruise, flight, and accomodation information plus the ceremony and reception and loving every second of it. :-D

Everyone keeps telling me to relax about it and for the most part I am. They dont get why I'm keyed up though. Its like, here's something I've always secretly wanted (the wedding), plus something to make it extra extra special (the cruise + family) and I'm getting exactly what I want. The idea that this could happen is sending me into orbit, so when a family member hesitates, its kind of like someone taking a big knife and stabbing my happiness balloon. I dont say anything and stuff, because I understand. The cruise and wedding will be a huge time and money committment but at the same time it just brings me down a notch.

In any case it doesnt matter because my mind is made up. This is the way I'm doing it, and this is the way it's going to get done, no matter who shows up. :-p

Sunday drives.

I was awake before everybody in the house this morning (except Pita) for once. So I got out of bed and got my shower to get the party started, only I got up waaaay early so we had plenty of time to kill before church actually started. Steve was driving, and he took the long way there through the residential part of Old Manassas. I am a sucker for older houses and we drove by these older houses that had been there for like, 50 years. I loved seeing them, I kept swinging my head back and forth to soak it all in. At one point Steve interrupted my wide eyed wonder by saying, "you're welcome."

I was like, "you're welcome for what?"

He said, "Because I knew you'd love these houses. That's why I drove us here."

How cool is that, because I mean, we've never discussed me liking this kind of house before, just rowhouses forever ago. So for him to think, "she'd like that," and act on it was unexpected, but beautiful. How often does the person you are with just know something about you and act on it to make a pleasurable experience?

This isnt the first time, either. He's surprised me on many occasions with a deeper knowledge of me. He really gets into the rythmn of my moods and he knows when I'm happy or sad, no matter what expression is on my face. Plus I cant lie to him. He has Ally-BS radar or some shit. Sometimes it kind of pisses me off because he really sees things I dont want him to see. Parts of myself that I would prefer to keep hidden.

I'm running on two wavelengths currently. On the surface I am more happy than I've ever been. Truly happy with my life, my choices, and the person I'm with. I'm really excited about my future. But at the core of who I am, I'm very uncertain. Everyday I wake up and I thank the Lord for every blessing present in my life, and I especially thank him for Steve. He is so good to me, for me, I have to wonder what I did to deserve him. I have to wonder what the hell he sees in me, because dear reader, who I am inside is ugly to be around. No matter what you might think about me after reading this blog trust me when I say, that I am a selfish, mean, and sometimes hateful person. I neglect the people I love when I shouldn't, and too many of my sentences begin with "I".

Here is this truly great man, who wants to marry me and I dont know why. I've asked him before, and he gave me an answer that didnt satisfy me, so I've asked him again and he just rolls his eyes like I'm being silly but I need to know why he loves me when I really give so little in return.

Damn. This started out happy. I must be PMSing.

Interesting peoples

I love it when I discover interesting people. Well, not so much discover because it really is just like discovering a new layer.

Like, I've known Rhodoman for ages from ACF. Today, I discovered a new layer to him that I hadnt seen previously.

Same thing with Opti. We started chatting to each other instead of just posting on ACF and boom, it was like *click* and he's my new buddy.

It happened that way with Poozer too. We knew each other for a long time and for some reason we stumbled across each other and started chatting. And we clicked.

Its so neat. :x

Tis the season

Winter is great. My second favorite season, really. Spring is nice and Summer is a bitch. But Autumn, Autumn is when things are at their most beautiful.

August was unusually cool, and the season was also unsually rainy so even though its mid-October a lot of the trees are still holding green. But most of them are turning in shades on the same tree. The tree starts out still gree, but the farther up you move the more it turns yellow, orange until finally at the tippy top its fire engine red. Stunning. Absolutey stunning.

Perceptions

Earlier today I read Lilija's" Perceptions and its something I've been thinking about myself a lot recently. Warning, this will be a long uninteresting blog.

My happiness yardstick has really been shaped by my childhood. Everybody always says how hard it was growing up. We've all got different experiences and mine was no different.
We didnt have a broken home, that would imply there was a home to start with. My mom was 17 when I was born, she didnt finish high school although she later got her GED. When my grandmother found out my mother was pregnant with me (my mom never told her because she was scared that my grandmother would make her get an abortion, she just sort of noticed one day how big my mom's belly was) my grandmother packed up my uncle and left. She left the house to my mother to deal with and that kind of set the tone on what kind of help my mother was going to get from the family.

My biological father had no real interest in me although thankfully his parents did. At one point my father had custody of me, and my mother had supervised visitation. I still remember this red room she would visit me in. I was miserable with him. I had the wicked step mother. I dont remember him at all, but I remember her. There are three instances that I still remember, and I was only 3 years old.

The first one was an early Saturday morning, we were watching Looney Toons and I laughed too loud so my stepmother put pepper in my mouth. Another instance, I was outside playing with the neighborhood kids and being a very young girl, I wasnt wiping myself properly after using the restroom. She, having done the laundry, decided to call me in the house waving my panties in the air and saying something to the affect of "come look at these nasty panties." With, you know, the whole neighborhood watching. And the last one shaped me to this day. The wicked stepmother had two daughters, named Amy and Nicole. Amy was a lot older, she must have been close to a teenager so she had nice jewelry and a jewelry box. One morning I woke up and watched Nicole get into Amy's jewelry box. Long story short, I got punished for breaking Amy's necklace. To this day, I get really really really angry when people accuse me of things I didnt do.

I dont blame this woman. Here she was, saddled with some woman's kid. Another mouth to feed, ass to wash, another little person to take care of that was a constant reminder of a past relationship that my father had had. She wasnt overtly mean, but she did take joy in punishing me. Its sad and funny that I dont remember my father at all during that time. I dont remember what he looked like at all. I remember more of his wife and stepchildren than I do him.

Eventually my mother kidnapped me, stole me back and went to court to win custody. When my father was ordered to pay my mother child support, he said, "that's not my kid." That's okay. I think I turned out well just to spite him, hehe. I was fortunate enough to know his parents who were wonderful to me beyond words. They were actual grandparents to me. They took me on vacations with them and bought me Strawberry Shortcake cereal. I will carry their memory with me always.

My childhood after that was pretty nomadic. I went to 17 different schools, one year it was 4 different schools in 3 different states. I learned Physical Science two years in a row, and never learned Earth Science unless you count 6 weeks when I was cramming for the end of year exam. When people find out how much we moved around, they always assume my mom was in the military. No, dear reader, that would have been logical and my mother is anything but logical. I would always respond that my mother was neurotic. I'd come home, the house would be packed in two small bags and it would be time to go.

Most often we would leave because mom couldnt pay the rent. This was before the days where a deposit, and first and last month's rent were expected. Those were the good old days. We were pretty broke most of the time. I remember catching catfish out of the bay for meat, eating spaghetti five days out of the week. School clothes shopping was done in thrift stores. Hell, most shopping was done in thrift stores. If there is a bargain to be had, my mother can find it. Every year my mom took her tax return and bought a new beater that had to last us another year.


My mom had a job with a construction company making great money for us at the time. She bought our first "nice" car which was an older Oldsmobile that was in good physical condition. She promptly killed it just in time for her next tax return. Unfortunately, she was hired to fill the quota for female workers and got fed up with the way she was treated and some of the harassment she got. She left the job after a little over a year.

In my lifetime, my mom has dated a lot of men. Some for short periods of time, some for longer. Some lived with us. The first one I got attached too was Bill Green. He was around during my mom's struggle to regain custody of me. I loved him a lot, and think of him to this day. He was really awesome to me, taking me to the zoo and out to eat and stuff. He sent me birthday and holiday cards for years and years after he and my mother broke up. Good man.

After Bill Green my mom dated a few guys. I really started digging this one named Leo. He used to sing Golden Smog's Shooting Star to me and take me on some of his jobs. He was a handyman or painter I think and he used to work on these really swanky houses. They had like, playgrounds in the backyard. I was in heaven. One of his friends taught me how to swim. We were standing next to a pool and she asked me if I could swim. I said no, so she picked me up and threw me in the deep end. Leo didnt stick around long. I dont know who broke it off, never asked I guess.

Mike was the next one I got attached too, and he is my daddy. He was younger than my mom by a couple years, and a hellraiser. I guess after Bill Green the preppy, and Leo the blue collar good old boy, mom was ready for change. Mike was wild. I mean, wild. Tattoos, long Vince Neil hair, a band and a drinking and drug problem to go with it. I dont know what she saw in him but they eventually married. We moved around after the wedding, out of Philly and up to Maryland. I remember one night, before we left Philly Mike got drunk and was raising hell. The neighbor lady downstairs came up and tried to take me downstairs with her out of the noise and he punched her in the nose. Good times. I had the biggest crush on the guitar player too. I was all of 7 and totally mooning over him. Hehe. My mom tried getting him to settle down when they moved to Maryland, to BFE and get him help for his drinking and drug issues. It didnt work and they eventually separated. They got back together one more time after he got clean before finally calling it quits for good. He's still my dad to this day, but he's dying of emphysema. Here's a tip kids, dont smoke!

My mom left me with my dad for awhile after they split. That sucked. She was gone for 6 months. She called and stuff but I was starting my period and all of that hormonal shit and my dad was dating this woman with a spoiled rotten daughter. I mean spoiled rotten. I resented her even though she really tried to be nice to me. I never said anything openly cruel to her but I definitely didnt give off the friendly vibes. My mom sent for me down in Louisiana and away I went. She was with another guy. He was cool I guess, he tried to be nice to me. He was a trucker and it was summer so I went on a few of his jobs with him. Got to see Texas, New Mexico and a couple other states. That didnt work out so my mom sent me back to my dad. This time I was with him for a year, and he was still with that woman and her princess daughter.

The next time my mom sent for me she was in Florida. My grandmother drove me down there and made my mother pay her for every single thing I'd eaten and half the gas. Thanks granny. Ooops I'm sorry. Thanks Gerry. Things were good for awhile. We were getting ourselves settled in down there so we moved a couple times. Then my mom met my sister's father and my sister was born. I got pretty close to Wayne, and have considered asking him to walk me down the aisle a few times. I've never doubted his love for me or my sister even if I dont agree with a lot of things he does or doesnt do. There was a post on ACF about the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and I would have to say it was the look in his eyes when he came home from the hospital the day my sister was born to get me from school. I have never seen such pure joy in anyone ever again. It was indescribable and intangible but there in his eyes. He was elated and it was beautiful.

So my sister was born. We moved around a little but settled into one area and I finished high school in the same school from 10th to graduation of which I'm really grateful for. I'm pretty grateful for the childhood I got. There were definitely downsides but I was never abused or neglected and I always had a roof over my head and food in my stomach. So dont take this big long blog and one big whine fest. I'm not angry at my child hood or anything stupid. "I wont be happy until my mom was nice to me when I was 5." None of that here.

Anyway, where I was going with all of that backstory, is that my happiness yardstick is based on the stability of my situation. Its not about the newest Nikes, its about being able to afford the light bill. In an odd twist of events, I was totally turning into my mother and making my own life unstable through my actions and decisions when I met Steve. Its so weird how unhappy I was making myself. I was miserable repeating the same behavior as her. The waitressing, the people I met in that lifestyle. Always telling myself I was somehow above the situation I was in. What joke. I was just another lifer.

I always used to make jokes about the Christians and the middle class. Like they didnt deserve that they had or something to make myself feel better about being dirt broke. In hindsight I was envious. Now, I am the one my friends and I used to laugh at. I am more conservative in my ideas and opinions. I dont spend my money stupidly like I did before, grabbing every $.99 thing I come across because it was affordable. Somehow because I have more in my pocket I spend a lot less. Weird.

I digress. The measure of my happiness is really how stable I am. How secure I feel. I am confident in my own abilities to work through my problems instead of running from them or avoiding them and letting them snowball into something much worse. I am more stable, and my decisions reflect that. As far as feeling secure, I know that no matter what happens, Steve will always work towards a better future for us. It has nothing to do with money, just the knowledge that I am not alone. That I have a partner working through the same problems and being able to trust him completely with everything I have or ever will be. Its amazing the amount of joy that comes from those two simple things.

Wedding Song

I heard this song years and years ago and I knew it was the song I wanted to dance my first dance with my husband. The lyrics dont do it justice. I feel the same way everytime I listen too it. Its just a beautiful song.

Artist: Whitney Houston
Album: My Love Is Your Love
Title: My Love Is Your Love

Clap your hands ya’ll, it’s alright (Repeat above through out song}{
If tomorrow is judgement day (sing mommy)
And I’m standing on the front line
And the Lord asks me what I did with my life
I will say I spent it with you, it’s alright

If I wake up in world war three (World war, world war three)
I see destruction and poverty (Oh my, my, my)
And I feel like I wanna go home
It’s okay if you’re coming with me, it’s alright

(Chorus): Your love is my love and my love is your love
It would take an eterninty to break us
The chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us
Your love is my love and my love is your love
It would take an eternity to break us
And the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us

If I lose my fame and fortune (It really don’t matter)
And my home is on the streets (On the streets, oh Lord)
And I’m sleeping in grand central station (okay)
It’s okay if you’re sleeping with me

As the years, they pass us by (The years, the years, the years)
We stay young through each other’s eyes (Each other’s eyes)
And no matter how old we get, oh
It’s okay as long as I got you, baby

(Repeat Chorus)

If I should die this very day
Don’t cry cuz on earth
We wasn’t meant to stay
And no matter what the people say I’ll be waiting for you
After the judgement day

(Repeat Chorus until fade)

I GOT MY RING !!! WOOOHOOO!

I posted on ACF about it but I'll give you the long version.

About 3 weeks ago Steve and I went looking for rings one Sunday after church. I wanted him to know what I liked and didnt like. I knew I was going to have to wait on the ring, but this would give him plenty of time to surprise me. I was expecting to get it, I just didnt know when.
Last night Steve came home pretty late from work and as he was coming in I was walking out to get the dinner I ordered from across the street. He was in an amazingly good mood, too considering he'd had to deal with rush hour traffic and was late getting to a job. It's so un-Steve like to be late I expected him to be a lot grumpier. Anyway, I took his car to get dinner, not thinking anything of it.

A bit later, after we'd eaten he was fooling around and came over to me on his knees and gave me a big hug. He's never really been down on his knees in front of me before while I was standing so I got a little giddy. He's like, "why are you looking at me like that?" And I of course said "no reason." I mean, there really wasnt because I was being silly. So he gets back up and sits down on the couch and as I'm walking in the computer room he says "which car did you take across the street?" all inquisitor style. Most of the time he doesnt care which car I take but sometimes he gets on a "we're trying to keep the miles off the Infiniti" kick. So I was like, umm I dont remember (he he) and he says "you took my care didnt you?" and I said, "maybe."

And thats when he got all fussy. So I said, "whats in the car that I'm not supposed to see?" He says, "Nothing." Unfortunately, I am Queen Oblivious and Queen Obnoxious all rolled into one. I wouldnt let the matter drop until finally he said, "I'm entitled to my privacy sometimes." Well thats when I knew something was up because he would never say that to me in a million years.
I was so stumped all I could say was like, "whatever" and went into the computer room. He comes in shortly thereafter and I said, "So what is in the car?" And around and around it went again until I said, "Is it my ring?"

"So what if it is. Dont you want to wait until a nice romantic setting?"

"Hell, no."

"Yeah, sure."

So I dropped the matter again. Flash forward a few minutes and I've got my headphones on singing along to some music (badly, too I might add). The worst part about this was that he had no frame of reference of what I was trying to actually sing or anything to help drown out the sound. Hehe.

"What's it going to take to get you to stop singing?"

"Give me my ring."
At this point I really didnt think he had it, I thought he was just messing with me and I was getting my hopes up too soon.

All of a sudden I hear him right next to my ear say, "Okay."

He was down on one knee and he asked me to marry him and I said, "yes." and cried like a baby.

Then I told ACF and people I was chatting with on AIM and Lilija and Opti and then I called my mom. Hehehehehehehe.

Congratulations to me!

My Birthday

My birthday was October 3rd, and it was the best yet. Got up early, went out to a simple breakfast then went to church. I love the church, if you can call it that. Its more like a bible study than anything, well more on that later.

After church we went to EB Games and preordered WoW Collecter's Edition, yay! Then we stopped by the bookstore and I got a new cookbook. I love that Rachael Ray chick from the Food Network. She's a genius and making stuff I'll eat and its fast.

Later that night we went back out to Chili's (my favorite restaurant) and had a nice quiet dinner. The food was excellent and I had a little mixed drink, a Jamaican something or other. I was appalled when I saw the bill though. The drink was $7, the same as my dinner! Yeah, not ordering that again. :p

As for my gifts, well I've gotten everything and I have to say that I liked everything I got which is sooo rare. My mom got me a beautiful gold necklace with a huge Opal and a tiny diamond. Opal is my birthstone, and I just love the necklace. Its sooo pretty. :)

My mother in law got me a black sweater that I really like and this notebook which will be perfect for planning the wedding. ;) I cant believe how much I liked the notebook either. I know its silly but I'm just thrilled by that thing, hehe.

My sister in law got me this stoneware pan I've been wanting since she was going to throw a Pampered Chef party this summer. I was looking through the magazine and was asking her forever when she was going to do a Pampered Chef party and she kept putting me off. When she gave me the stoneware pan I laughingly asked her if this was why she was putting off the Pampered Chef party and she said yes, hehe.

I am just amazingly happy at this very moment. :)

Fun Links

http://http://www.militiadesign.com/b3ta/Cursor.html Don't let it get your cursor! No sound.

http://http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings Viking Kittahs! This has sound, lots of sound.

http://http://www.funny-funny-pictures.com/insanity/ Just a good laugh, hehehehehehhee. This has sound, lots of sound.

Thanks it for todays fun links. :-D

I'm getting married I'm getting married

That's me, getting married. That's right boys and girls.

I'll post some pics of the ring when I get it, hopefully will be before Thanksgiving.

Right now I've got my heart set on having the wedding on a cruise ship. I've checked and the prices are surprisingly reasonable, plus you get to dock and have the ceremony in a really pretty place before going back on the ship for the reception. I've seen some of the pictures and the scenary is just amazing. So, woohooo. Lookout world, I'm going to be a marrrried woman.

/giggle